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The Coyden Harbinger; Truthful, trustworthy, 24-7.
Topic Started: Dec 9 2016, 12:52:36 AM (1,546 Views)
Strat
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The Coyden Harbinger


End of an Era
Earlier today, the office of the Strataric Ministry of Foreign Affairs released a statement detailing Stratarin's official departure from the SEPC. While the organization has unofficially been inactive for several months, Minister Drugova expressed that this announcement would hopefully be "the final nail in its coffin." When asked if she thought Stratarin would join any other alliance in the near future, she expressed doubt. "The SEPC, and other alliances like it, would only serve to limit our nation," Drugova stated. "In terms of diplomacy, Stratarin will mainly focus on deals and treaties with individual nations. It's doubtful that we'll involve ourselves in alliances on such a grand scale for the foreseeable future." General Secretary and Premier Starikov could not be reached for comment.


Another Dreykov?
Today at the Liliya Ivkina Hospital, almost nine months after her husband's passing, Minister Klara Dreykova gave birth to a boy. Given that Dreykova had dropped out of the public eye for quite some time, it came as a great surprise to many that she had even been pregnant. However, her name for the child sparked controversy: Viktor, after the potentially treasonous former General Secretary Viktor Drugov. When asked why she had chosen to honor such a man by naming her son after him, Dreykova refused comment.

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Setznan-Strataric Relations Imperiled
Following Setzna's refusal to reply to several official Strataric missives concerning the capture of Melor Dementyev, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs has officially suspended trade and military agreements until the matter can be resolved. Premier Mikhail Starikov suggested in a statement released earlier today that Setzna may have played a hand in the young criminal's escape from Stratarin. Minister of Foreign Affairs Yekaterina Drugova refused comment.


GIF Sparks Controversy
Yesterday afternoon, the Minister of Finance Igor Stralov received an offer made by an Oan auditing company, Ita Marama Auditors (Ltd.), which involved the company potentially opening an office in Stratarin. Citing a past statement made by the Oan government, which stated that all Strataric companies in the Oan Isles must return to their original nation and vice versa, Minister Stralov declined.

Later that day, Minister of Foreign Economic Relations Pasha Dobrygin posted a GIF meme on the social media platform Chirper. Although it was subsequently removed minutes later, it had already been saved and shared by hundreds of Chirper users.

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While many see the humor in the GIF, which depicts the government of Stratarin swatting away the auditing company, numerous remarks have claimed the post was a political blunder.

Minister Dobrygin has not released an apology; however, the Velikolepnyy Building has issued a statement claiming that he has been reprimanded.

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Anatoly Baryshnikov Replaced
Following a session of the Supreme Council, it was ruled that Anatoly Baryshnikov would be succeeded at both his position as Chairman of the Council of Ministers and Minister of Defense. His replacement for the former was chosen to be Sviatoslav Alexandrov, the current Minister of Defense Industry and an outspoken Party supporter. The new Minister of Defense, whom Anatoly will now serve as the Deputy Minister to, is General Pyotr Dementyev. Since his rise to the position, after a brief session with the Council of Ministers and a meeting with Premier Starikov, Minister Dementyev has released a statement explaining that the Setznan-Strataric border will be more militarized following their refusal to cooperate in the hunt for Melor Dementyev. Deputy Minister Baryshnikov refused comment. More on this story as it develops.


Critical Confrontation
A conversation between two leading film critics - the Atlaesian Rölf Alexander and the Strataric Vadim Valentin - that was being filmed live on Atlaesian television dissolved into a squabble earlier today. It began after Mr. Alexander, perhaps jokingly, declared that The Baker of Setzna, a film created by the controversial Strataric director Bogdan Koslov, "was a ripoff from The Baeker of Tretrid," an Atlaesian film that was released during the same year. Naturally, Mr. Valentin defended the Strataric version, and the discussion escalated from there.

The full text of the conversation that followed is below:


VV: [The Baker of Setzna] was completely original! And of much better quality.
RA: Lies! You didn't have the secret Draeset scene!
VV: Right. Because it isn't set in Tretrid. The Baeker of Tretrid, in turn, lacks the scenes from Arcadia. And aside from that, it completely butchers - pun intended - the emotionally climactic scene!
RA: The Baker of Setzna completely ruins its exposition and has a barely decipherable denouement!
VV: Heresy. The exposition is brilliant, and it’s not my fault that the finale is more intelligent and less "and they all lived happily ever after" than the ending of that mockery of the film industry that is The Baeker of Tretrid!
RA: You must have mixed them up! The Baeker of Tretrid ends in a chase scene that blows up much of the city and the devastation that it had! Truly, better than the Strataric version!
VV: Ah, yes, of course. Because mass violence and brainless chaos completely makes a better end to a dramatic movie than the heartrending murder of one of the main characters.
RA: Heartrending? More like boring. That death scene took forever.
VV: Because two minutes of an emotional leadup is too much time for the average Atlaesian attention span. Duly noted.
RA: Too much kissing; not enough killing!
VV: Oh for Petrovich's sake... there was ONE SCENE with kissing. One! Well, two, but that second one was a brief peck. Heaven forbid a movie have a decent romantic subplot (unlike the one in TBoT... ick. Your protagonist was a glorified pervert).
RA: You could see them flirting from the other movie theater!
VV: Romantic tension captures the interest of the audience! And it's not like flirting makes a movie bad. Take the romantic tension between Dan and Leah in Star Conflicts, which greatly enhanced the plot and added stakes. That's exactly what happens in The Baker of Setzna!
RA: No, it completely detracted from the movie's suspense with the main characters giggling at each other's faces! At least TBoT had some decency!
VV: Oh, sure, decency. I suppose you'd refer to that one scene as "tasteful nudity" and not the smut that it was.
RA: Oh please, that was not a nudity scene! It was implied, not filmed straight on like the filmspeople in Stratarin did!
VV: I'd say showing a female posterior sans clothing is a bit more than implied. And there was no nudity in The Baker of Setzna! The closest it ever came was one person - not two people, unlike the other film in question - under a sheet!


The show host separated the two at this point and went to commercial break. Mr. Valentin has since released an apology to viewers. Mr. Alexander refused to apologize or comment for his statements.

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Setzna Severs Relations!
Outrage ensued among Stratarians of all occupations earlier today, as the Setznan Secretary of State Bret Karlsonofficially admitted to harboring the Stratarin-born fugitive and murderer Melor Dementyev. To add insult to injury, Setzna also discontinued the extradition treaty that former Minister Fyodr Lyvov had brokered with Secretary Karlson. In response, the Strataric government has officially withdrawn its embassy and declared that, should the Setznan embassy in Stratarin not be withdrawn within a 24-hour period, the ambassador and his staff will be forcibly evicted. It seems the short era of positive Setznan-Strataric relations has drawn to a bitter close.


Another GIF Sparks Less Controversy
In response to Setzna's actions earlier today, Minister of Foreign Economic Relations (now jokingly referred to as the Minister of Memetic Warfare) Pasha Dobrygin posted a GIF meme on the social media platform Chirper. Unlike the last such incident, this post was not deleted and remains on his profile. The GIF is the following:

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While none can deny the humor in the GIF, many puzzle over what exactly the GIF is referencing, or why the depiction of Stratarin wears the traditional Ushi hat, not to mention the enigma of countries being portrayed as balls with eyes. To everyone but Minister Dobrygin, these questions remain unresolved mysteries.

The Velikolepnyy Building has not issued any statement concerning this incident.
Edited by Strat, Oct 18 2017, 01:31:57 AM.

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An Arrangement… with Celannica?
Following Setzna setting Setznan-Strataric relations back decades, Stratarin has made several military agreements and trade agreements with Celannica. While the fascist Gondwanan nation has had a uniquely hostile history with Stratarin, the Minister of Foreign Economic relations Pasha Dobrygin, known jokingly as the Minister of Memetic Warfare, has expressed high hopes for this political move. This he did by way of, of course, a chirp.

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Sipping Crimson Rage today #AlmostAsGoodAsWodka pic.chirpr.com/f84kS9fep3
-Pasha Dobrygin (@TheMemeocrat) October 8th, 2017

It is unknown why Minister Dobrygin is allowed by the government to keep his Chirpr account.

Dog Memorial Day Announced
To seal the recent agreements made with Celannica, the Strataric government has officially declared the 7th of October “Dog Memorial Day,” to honor the brave Celan dogs whose lives were tragically extinguished during the Four Days War. Minister of Defense Pyotr Dementyev officially visited a recent memorial erected in the canines’ honor, personally planting a flower beside it.

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BREAKING
Massacre!

In an attack of unprecedented cowardice and terror, a violent insurgent movement in the northern Stratarin region ruthlessly exterminated the inhabitants of the small town Gorod. Gorod was known in that region as a town of unparalleled loyalty to the Militarized Communist State, who lived their lives dutifully after Rubashkin's beliefs. This nameless insurgent movement could not stomach such an insult to their weak hold in the north, and saw fit to massacre over 1,000 people in their spite.

In a statement released, Premier Starikov offered his condolences to any living family of the deceased, and pledged to wipe out this insignificant movement entirely. Only then, he stated, could the living be avenged and the dead be dignified.

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SPECIAL ISSUE
Massacre! - Follow Up

After the catastrophe that rocked southern Gondwana yesterday, Premier Starikov and those under his authority have taken every measure possible to hunt down and eliminate the perpetrators of the Gorod Massacre. In an effort to increase international support against this threat, the Premier has mandated the release of satellite images taken during the time of the attack, as well as the taped confession of an apprehended suspect who was complicit in this barbaric act of savagery. "With such evil laid bare for the world to see," Procutator General Iosef Demenok said in a speech today, "I hope for nothing less than full international support and condemnation of this terrorist movement, for the sake of the living and the memory of the dead." More on this story as it develops.

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