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[AU]Second Thoughts?; RP Bloopers
Topic Started: Aug 10 2005, 04:18:14 PM (2,623 Views)
Free Pacific States
Member Avatar
Number One Drone
Ever had a really funny, but totally innapropriate (for the RP) idea for a response for an RP? Something you'd love to share, but can't, because it'd kill the RP community, cause an international incident, etc? Well, this is the thread for it. I'm not talking about actual RP..but like..bloopers. Just post any comedic thoughts you have! Post at any time!

Allow me to start.

Govindia
 
"Oh come on sug," replied the woman, throwing her self, chest first, into Matt. "So am I , but we can live a little, and I'm sure someone in such a nicely dressed manner as you has entered the realm of promiscuity once in a while, eh?"


Matt pushed her to the ground. "I'll show you promiscuity.."
____________________________________________________________________
Matt fell back, pushing her away. "I'm sorry, but...I'm gay." Having been a succesfull politican for years, he told the lie with complete sincerity, keeping his face straight, and fingers uncrossed.
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Gnidrah
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Former Delegate
Govindia
 
Why can we not either, for security reasons?  The Secret Service agent feels it is necessary for our security to accompany us nonetheless, and I the same."


One of the guards goes nuts, saying, "Dang it! The answer is NO!" He starts to slap the diplomat silly, until the guy's head rolls off his shoulder. "Oops," the guard thinks to himself." "Er, I suppose the bodyguards can go through now," said the director, completely embarassed, as he turns to the other guard and says, "Pick his head up, would you? It's the least we can do."
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Krechzianko
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Dictator of the Proletariat
I've literally had dozens of these:

Quote:
 

"Then, old friend, it seems we have a standoff on our hands."


SOUTHERN KRECHZIANKO:

"Comrade-Lieutenant, I'm preparing my arming key. On my order, release the entire arsenal into Packilvania."

Quote:
 
The Govindian representative spat back, near them, but not at them. “Bourgeois? Hardly, you hypocrite,” he said as they moved back to their limo as well. “Maybe when you try to explain this to you god damned Central Committee you can explain why your guards decided to bully me around and threaten me when I didn’t even touch you? Please,” he finished as they got in the car and drove away.


The representative snapped his fingers, and the Marines drew their machine pistols. Bullets flew into the car, riddling the Govindian and throwing blood and casings through the air. The car skidded to a halt, and they put several morerounds into his chest.

"I think not, comrade."

Posted Image

"Not only does [Krech] have the tongue of a diplomat but a groove the ladies swoon over."
-Soul Cancer

"Krechziankans are known to simply disregard information to blow the shit outa someone they don't like." -FPS

Posted ImagePosted Image
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The Wachovia Coalition
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Member Nation
Let's make sure this is not all about one player.
"Unity through humility"
Currently in the region as Wachoviasa.

"[NationStates] is like watching a movie that is Black Hawk Down vs. Lord of the Rings vs. Star Wars..." - New Fubaria
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Krechzianko
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Dictator of the Proletariat
My first one was about Pack...

Posted Image

"Not only does [Krech] have the tongue of a diplomat but a groove the ladies swoon over."
-Soul Cancer

"Krechziankans are known to simply disregard information to blow the shit outa someone they don't like." -FPS

Posted ImagePosted Image
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Lestin Road
Towards Liberty City
Whipping her hand out of his pants with his left hand, Matt stepped back, and used his right hand to keep her from falling back. Once she straigtened out, he took another step back, onto the side of the road, and sighed. "Sorry....but I'm not..."

He was cut off as the 18 wheeler ran him down, squashing him to the pavement.
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Imatron
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The Outer Limits Guy
Govindia
Tecnoic plates


Kareeka rips open the tectonic plates and destroies the planet, seeing as Govindia refused to put up even the slightest bit of a fight.
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Xiopothos Chief Administrator
No Avatar
Under Blockade, 2 years post-war
Geirtz wanders into the erong room, and...

"SCREE-EEEEE!!!"

"Aah!!! Get this D*@# thing off of ME!!!"
Posted Image
"Xiopothos: All your base are belong to us!"

The Treaty of Rillianon has been signed... the war is over! Huzzah!

"Er...as a sidenote, although I obviously cannot limit voting, I ask that people vote only if they have ACTUALLY READ MY BRIEFS, as opposed to simply following instructions from Pack to "vote for the hive." -Free Pacific States, on the FPS election
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Pentastar walked into the office, and looked towards the man behind the desk. "Premier, the assasination of General Brownoff will go as planned. That is, if you have my payment."

For several seconds, the person behind the desk said nothing. Then, he turned his chair to face Pentastar. "Wait..what?"

Looking into the face of Brownoff, Pentastar swore. "This isn't the Premier's office, is it?"
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Quote:
 
this is to announce to the East Pacific, that the new Pax ship class, the Dyson Sphere, will be completed soon. Stats will be announced on its completion.


Charles Dyson: WHAT THE HELL! Oh, thats it! I'm so suing their asses off for that..
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Krechzianko
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Dictator of the Proletariat
Quote:
 
Pentastar walked into the office, and looked towards the man behind the desk. "Premier, the assasination of General Brownoff will go as planned. That is, if you have my payment."

For several seconds, the person behind the desk said nothing. Then, he turned his chair to face Pentastar. "Wait..what?"

Looking into the face of Brownoff, Pentastar swore. "This isn't the Premier's office, is it?"


:lol:

Posted Image

"Not only does [Krech] have the tongue of a diplomat but a groove the ladies swoon over."
-Soul Cancer

"Krechziankans are known to simply disregard information to blow the shit outa someone they don't like." -FPS

Posted ImagePosted Image
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Republic of Govindia
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The Fluffy Horde
lol classic fps
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Republic of Govindia
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The Fluffy Horde
The Oval Office, The West Wing, The White House

Alec was reading some reports when suddenly someone threw himself into the glass doors leading outside.

The man, dark haired, white, and in a suit got up and straightened himself out.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Alec.

"The name's Bond, James Bond, Alec Trevelyan. Remember me?"

Alec dropped his jaw. "Shit," he said and ran as fast as he can through another entrance way into the Oval Office and down the West Wing hallways, with Bond in pursuit
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Fish Island
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Failed The Global Test
Republic of Govindia
Aug 12 2005, 04:58 PM
The Oval Office, The West Wing, The White House

Alec was reading some reports when suddenly someone threw himself into the glass doors leading outside.

The man, dark haired, white, and in a suit got up and straightened himself out.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Alec.

"The name's Bond, James Bond, Alec Trevelyan. Remember me?"

Alec dropped his jaw. "Shit," he said and ran as fast as he can through another entrance way into the Oval Office and down the West Wing hallways, with Bond in pursuit

Heh. Ever since I saw that your leader was Alec Trevelyan I've been wondering if something like that was ever going to happen. =P
Fish Island
Patoxia's Island Territory
Posted Image
Eat Max Berries! They're teh bestest!
Neo-Battle Peasant Forums - Also home of the Anime Punch! con forums.
???
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Republic of Govindia
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The Fluffy Horde
yea i know...thought you guys would say somethin :P
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Fish Island
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Failed The Global Test
packilvania
Sep 12 2005, 02:17 PM
COPY

Noon came around faster than the Dehli troops expected. The Pax had been blasting those "get out now or being exterminated" messages for some time now, but this was the last bastion of the proud Govindian people. Nothing could ever get into the city. Between the clone trooper reinforcements, and the last remaining Jedi, they would fight off wave after wave, until the blasted invaders collapsed.

Pax Troops

"It is time. Tlant has decreed that it be built here. The last bastion of their hope shall become our greatest symbol of power. Initiate stage one."

Space
"One shot is all it will take. One shot is all they will ever see. Let the heat of creation and destruction rain upon them."

The Hive link allowed for almost instant firing of any ship weapon, but still. The general liked to push the button. It was red. Smaller than normal, but still red. And with it, the hopes and dreams of an entire civilization would die.

The first second

The beam hit with all the warning the Pax had given. The energies of singularities had long been a mystery to most civilizations, but for one that could learn to tap the bloated gravitational fat... Well the energies were enourmous, and yet they still werent enough to power the larger of the Pax ships. They worked well as weapon boosters though. This weapon had originally been designed as the sun popper, named after what a nekomimi child had decreed in her fit of laughter at the destruction of Alden 1. It traveled at nearly the speed of light, throwing off the basic elements of the universe and concentrating them into a beam no wider than a cosmic sting. Still, enourmous destructive power was held within that small area. It hit the atmosphere, and almost instantly, a ten mile firecolumn shot towrads the surface as the oxygen in the air began to burn...

On the ground.
Gopi and her daughter Garki were sitting in the park. Even in the face of extreme horror, this city had managed to keep up illusions. The Pax warnings were heralded as hoaxes. No foreign army would ever set foot onto the city's soil. She was playing with the one year old, a simple game of peekaboo, when she noticed a slight breeze.

"The gods have blessed us indeed. With such a fine breeze to cool us on a hot day."

She never noticed it growning stronger, or that it was blowing almost stright up. When the beam finnaly hit the troposphere, the air was sucked up almost instantly, throwing anything that wasn't secured to the ground into the air at horrendus speeds. Gopi didn't know what happened to her child, and even as the air was sucked from her lungs, and she began to pass out from the lack of oxygen in the air she still tried to call her daughters name. It came out as more of a garbled rasping folowed by a high pitched whine as she gasped for air. Then there was the light. The light of god, as the arlenians had called it in their days of soveirenty. It hit the shield, and it actually held for a moment, but not that long. The intense radiation fried the fractal loop that powered the shield, and it collapsed. Gopi was one of the lucky ones. She would not have to experience the beam actually hitting the ground, for the radiation pouring forth from the immense light had all but cooked her to death. Her last thought was of the gods forsaking her, and her governments all but unbelievable deceit...


Then Thant remembered something... the beam had been set to FULL power...

Posted Image

All at once there was a great disturbance in the Force, felt through out the multiverse, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...

--------------------------------------------------------
The Afterl... errr... The Other Dimension
--------------------------------------------------------

Thant was suddenly surrounded by billions and billions of entities staring angerly at him, directly in front of him was a spirit who once was known as Matthew Terrus, now dressed in a white cloak and holding a harp, looking not too happy. Terrus' face turned red and he began fuming and uttering an untold number of curses...

Suddenly, Terrus smashed his harp and grabbed a pointy stick out of the debris... the other entities followed suit and they advanced on Thant...
Fish Island
Patoxia's Island Territory
Posted Image
Eat Max Berries! They're teh bestest!
Neo-Battle Peasant Forums - Also home of the Anime Punch! con forums.
???
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Quote:
 
Noon came around faster than the Dehli troops expected. The Pax had been blasting those "get out now or being exterminated" messages for some time now, but this was the last bastion of the proud Govindian people. Nothing could ever get into the city. Between the clone trooper reinforcements, and the last remaining Jedi, they would fight off wave after wave, until the blasted invaders collapsed.

Pax Troops

"It is time. Tlant has decreed that it be built here. The last bastion of their hope shall become our greatest symbol of power. Initiate stage one."

Space
"One shot is all it will take. One shot is all they will ever see. Let the heat of creation and destruction rain upon them."

The Hive link allowed for almost instant firing of any ship weapon, but still. The general liked to push the button. It was red. Smaller than normal, but still red. And with it, the hopes and dreams of an entire civilization would die.

The first second

The beam hit with all the warning the Pax had given. The energies of singularities had long been a mystery to most civilizations, but for one that could learn to tap the bloated gravitational fat... Well the energies were enourmous, and yet they still werent enough to power the larger of the Pax ships. They worked well as weapon boosters though. This weapon had originally been designed as the sun popper, named after what a nekomimi child had decreed in her fit of laughter at the destruction of Alden 1. It traveled at nearly the speed of light, throwing off the basic elements of the universe and concentrating them into a beam no wider than a cosmic sting. Still, enourmous destructive power was held within that small area. It hit the atmosphere, and almost instantly, a ten mile firecolumn shot towrads the surface as the oxygen in the air began to burn...

On the ground.
Gopi and her daughter Garki were sitting in the park. Even in the face of extreme horror, this city had managed to keep up illusions. The Pax warnings were heralded as hoaxes. No foreign army would ever set foot onto the city's soil. She was playing with the one year old, a simple game of peekaboo, when she noticed a slight breeze.

"The gods have blessed us indeed. With such a fine breeze to cool us on a hot day."

She never noticed it growning stronger, or that it was blowing almost stright up. When the beam finnaly hit the troposphere, the air was sucked up almost instantly, throwing anything that wasn't secured to the ground into the air at horrendus speeds. Gopi didn't know what happened to her child, and even as the air was sucked from her lungs, and she began to pass out from the lack of oxygen in the air she still tried to call her daughters name. It came out as more of a garbled rasping folowed by a high pitched whine as she gasped for air. Then there was the light. The light of god, as the arlenians had called it in their days of soveirenty. It hit the shield, and it actually held for a moment, but not that long. The intense radiation fried the fractal loop that powered the shield, and it collapsed. Gopi was one of the lucky ones. She would not have to experience the beam actually hitting the ground, for the radiation pouring forth from the immense light had all but cooked her to death. Her last thought was of the gods forsaking her, and her governments all but unbelievable deceit...


Suddenly, one of the firing mechanics turned. "Um...General, we picked the wrong target by accident..."
____________________________________________________________________
Liberty City- The Blue House
WMD Bunker
The janitor and group of guards who had been in the bunker at the time pushed the large door opened, as the bunkers CO twisted the manual release. Finally opening it, they looked into the wall of dirt.

"Thats not good, is it?"
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Imatron
No Avatar
The Outer Limits Guy
As the Pax beam weapon fired upon the surface, the whole area turned to cheese?!

Tlant looked around and asked, "What the- what happened? Why did the Star popper turn Govindia to cheese?"

But as he aksed that he would wish he didn't for all hell borke loose! Giant pyrimids emerged from hyperspace and bombarded the planet with the French National Antheym.

"The Evil Council (for French Aliens)! I should have known." He said as he sat back down. "They have been a thorn in my side for too long!"

But before he could order the fleet to fire upon the Evil Council, the bridge officers all said, "Wee! Wee! We will turn the planet to cheese!" And with that they fired a beam at him that turned him French.
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Quote:
 
It appeared to Katharine that Eve almost preferred to play the type of role she herself did...and perhaps at this moment did not want to recall the instrumental role she had played in the Packo-Wachovian "diasagreements", as the Faction referred to them at home in Kangarawa. Katharine took a few more appetizers from the tray still just within reach and said, "I do realize I'm jumping the gun a little, and not playing "diplomacy", but I wonder if we might have the opportunity at some point to talk a little about the Pax. Forgive me for being blunt, but my guess is that you know probably as much about them as anyone here tonight with perhaps the exeption of our host. I, and my nation, find ourselves in the position where we may need as much information as we can get from those willing to share intelligence sources. As hard as it is for me to say, we may also be in need of an ally." Katharine hoped everything that she had heard about Eve was true. If not, she'd just made a grave error.

Dmitri watched as the two women spoke. Although Kahtarine was both smiling and eating, he recognized the FPS Ambassador to Wachovia. Although not unexpected, he wondered how quickly Katharine would move, if indeed she did.


The referee came out of nowhere, running up next to the two ambassadors.

Posted Image

OVER-USED DIPLOMATIC BLUNTNESS. POSSIBILITY OF ALIENATION. TWO PENALTY POINTS, FREE PACIFIC STATES!
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Imatron
No Avatar
The Outer Limits Guy
<<<<THE FOLLOWING IS A DELETED SCENE FROM SHIRO>>>>

As Jill watched the Loop authorities take the lightsaber and examine Tirith's body. The racoons came back. They crashed through the wall with a black GMC SUV (which they stole the keys from one of the gay Jedi), grabbed the bodies weapons that the Loops missed, threw the SUV into reverse and drove off into the forbidden forest, where the students swore they heard multiple crashes from the SUV running over somethings. The fact that genetically altered armed racoons who know how to drive is very disturbing.

Three days later, the SUV was found in a nearby parking lot, beat up and totaled after a strange police report of racoons using the drive tru and stealing all the food from the local Wendy's emerged. The SUV was loaded with wrappers and racoon scat.

Rabies, the racoon Jarod and Oswald have, remains their loyal buttler racoon.
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Gnidrah
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Former Delegate
The Wachovia Coalition
Sep 30 2005, 11:17 AM
Aides greeted the Loop and Gnidrah deleations. "Please excuse the host, but she is engaged with some younger nations at presnt. She encourages you to meet some of the delegations from these newer nations, and promises she will greet when time allows."

The Gnidrahn ambassador turned to the aide, with a rather blank, careless look upon his face, and replied, "Okay, whatever." :o
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
FPSNN
NewsRoom
"My Gosh, ladies and gentlemen...this just in, massive public support has garnered around a new presidential candidate named Matt Gnidrah, who has declared his formation of the "Real" Party...
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
My original plan for holding off the Sec-Gen:

Quote:
 
The FPS representative leaned towards his aide, who did the same (in reverse). "Does he need our approval to activate the EAF?"

"Nope." The aide whispered back. "I'm not even sure why hes bringing it up with the assembly. But if we do activate the EAF, and invade Dovakhan, the Pax will see it as a declaration of war, regardless. Which would be bad."

"And the removal and new Sec-Gen votes will take far too long to stop, or countermend, the Secretary-General if he decides to pull a last minute action. We've got to make sure he can't get orders to the EAF."

"How?" The aide whispered. "This is an alliance headquarters. Theres absolutely no way to cut it off from the world!"

"Oh yes, there is." The representative responded, pulling out a maintainence major work notice. "There is indeed." Pulling out his cell phone, the man quickly text-messaged a dear friend and ally of his in the FPS government. Pocketing the phone, he looked up, and acted as if nothing had happened.
___________________________________________________________________
FPIA Special Operations Division HeadQuarters
Office of the Director
Pentastar read and understood the text message immediatly. Bringing his laptop online, he quickly open Microsoft Sabotager, and, in less then a a hundred keystrokes, had put into action a plan reserved for the most severe of incidents.

Such as the one taking place at that moment.
____________________________________________________________________
Fichnev Nuclear Power Plant
Control Room
"JESUS CHRIST. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE INDICATOR WAS OFF? FARK! CLOSE ALL CONTROL RODS, NOW! NOW DAMNIT.." The cheif technician began flipping switches rapidly as the five other men and women in the room attempted to activate every safety the plant had.

After about thirty seconds, the cheif technician swore. "We've gotta shut it down...evacuate all sectors of Reactor 2. All sectors..." He looked across the room to the security specialist. "Hit main sirens. Inform LCPD that we have a catagory 1 situation."

OOC: Insert sirens:
http://www.balkan-archive.org.yu/kosta/nat...nd/sirena03.wav
____________________________________________________________________
Liberty City Police HeadQuarters
Dispatch
"All fire and police units, be advised, major emergency situation in progress at Fischnev Nuclear Power Plant. All available units within Liberty City or surrounding areas, please respond immediatly to assist in evacuation and emergency management..."
____________________________________________________________________
Liberty City Air Force Base
HeliPort 6C
"LETS MOVE PEOPLE!" The base sirens continued to blare in the backround as the national guard and marines scrambled to their helicopters to take the brief flight to Fischnev. In the next hour, they would need to have every person within 3 miles of the plant evacuated.
____________________________________________________________________
Liberty City- The Blue House
Front Lawn
"Keep moving, Mr. President!" Terrus could hardly object as the OGP agents literally carried him towards the awaiting choppers, many of his senior staff in tow. As he was thrown inside the lead helicopter, he turned towards the Director of the Office of Government Protection. "What the hell is going on?"

"Meltdown, sir, Fischnev has gone red..."

"Oh shit.."
____________________________________________________________________
EPTO Building
General Assembly
The FPS representative stood as the beepers of most of the men and women in the room began to go off. "I've just been informed..." The power flickered out suddenly, the emergency lights coming on immediatly. The representative continued nonplussed. "...that there has been an incident at Fischnev Nuclear Power Plant. On behalf of the FPS government, I would like to assure everyone here that there will not be a major meltdown of any sort, and that we are all safe in our current location."

He took a breath. "Sadly, however, with maintenance working on the power generators," he held up the maintenance work notice, "we've lost all power. Which means we'll be unable to send any orders to the EAF..quite sadly." He let the sarcasm clearly pervade the last two words, not even keeping himself from smiling.
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Quote:
 
In the darkness, Something stirred. Stirred, and remembered.

Memory like shattered glass, of a thousand broken mirrors, tumbling into darkness. Its last clear image was a figure of unfathomably radiant light, standing in triumph and sheathing its sword. Since the time of that last vague memory, that same Something was broken. It was not what it was once, it was shards of its former triumph, ashes of victory, cast earthward, never to fully recover.

And yet, it was recovering. Aeons it had taken, and it would take aeons more. But it was no longer shards and ashes. It was a definite Being, if only a memory. The great Something was blind and ingorant in the pool of its fallen power, but great was that power.

In the mind of something for whom stars were mere infants, it had been only a short time ago that the first of the little fleshy creatures had taken to dwelling by its presence. Perhaps they had sought refuge from some perceived greater threat. Perhaps they had not sensed it at first. Perhaps they had been drawn to it. It did not care.

In any case, some questions are not meant to be answered, some things are lost that are not meant to be found, and some things once known are meant to be forgotten.

The foolish little creatures had discovered it, and were in awe. Gave it a name, and worshipped it. While most did not fathom the least part of what they had found, all found it necessary to draw on its stagnant power. Even those least dedicated to the Nameless one were bound to him by their dependance on what they had 'discovered'.

By their actions, they had given power to that they thought distant and unattached. They had sown the seeds of their own destruction. It would be aeons before they reaped the full whirlwind, but the firstfruits of that terrible harvest came into being today.

In the darkness, something awoke.


Quote:
 
"You know what I mean, Oneida. I reiterate my original question: Who writes this stuff? Do we have a special Deranged Sage division just for gooey, indecipherable text?"


Republic of Kandarin (25 Years Ago) - Special Deranged Sage Division
Office of the Gooey, Indecipherable Text Specialist
"Um, Mr. Gerlin?"

In the darkness, the officer-holder awoke from his nap, regarding the intern who worshiped him. "Yea?"

"We've got a call on line two from one of the House Big-Wigs, wants to talk to you about the recent Ashes to Ashes document." The foolish little creature responded.

"Oh, wonderful! It seems like I've been waiting aeons for him to call! Although, I guess, its probably only been a short time since they came across the manuscript. I assume they want to meet?" The man was not what he was once, his recent car crash turning him into meer shards of his former triumph, ashes of victory, cast earthward, never to fully recover.


"Tommorow, sir. Said their busy today."

"Huh. Must be seeking refuge from some perceived greater threat. Or maybe they just haven't sensed exactly how big of a deal this is. Maybe their just drawn to something else..who knows. Set the appointment sometime after lunch."
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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Imatron
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The Outer Limits Guy
Over One Month Ago...

Me: "This time I quit for real!" Stomps off.

Two Days Ago...

Me: After posting a blog, "Huh... Who wants to be my- GAH!"

Loop: "Hello!"

Me: "Oh, god this is akward. How did you find me?!"

Loop: ;)

Me: "Great now I feel guilty! Might as well come back." Gets wrapped up in a straightjacket and sent back to the EP.

Loop: :D
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Infinite Loop
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Take Off, Eh?
actually it was more along the lines of
Topic : Caek GET

body: Also, Hello


you see I can work wonders with those four little words, used them on Elvis Presley and he supersized my Whopper combo for free, cause as we all know, Elvis works at burger king.
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Endorsements recieved ( 69 ) : Cupertino, 1 Infinite Loop, 2 Infinite Loop, Infinite Loop, Bob Mckenzie, Shinagami, Shortbus, Magic Emperor Ghaelon, Ghaelon, SLAK, Prarie squid, Alys Whitill, The Cabin Grrrrl, The Cabin Girl, hax0rstan, Black Wolf Furries, Mr OWL, Vladimir Harkonnen, Uncle Duke, McTropolis, Avignon, Caesar Calligula, Max Zorin, Deus Ex Fiat, Walter Koenig, The True Reich, Atlanta Constitution, Fark Propaganda Corps, The Knights of Colombus, Fertile Sputniks, Jude Streicher,Otto Skorzeny, Nicholas der Kirchwass, Megalocyathus, Lil Megalocyathus, Uncle Toms Nation, Simon Legree, Yatta_, Lowtax, Patriotute, Doctor Zaius, General Ursus, Corneluis the ape, Nova the wild human, Bright eyes taylor, Dr Zira, Alex Chiu, Honkey the Goose, StandartenFuerher, Neko Mimi, The NS Invaders, Free n Accepted Masons.Miss Tessmacher, Hurricane Jezebel ,Rbt E Lee ,Dead Yankee ,U S Grant ,General Mead, Baron Karza, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Col Sanders, Aunt Jemimas witnesses, of the people Q, Le French Stereotypes, Qfdsdiozbnf, Alan Scott, Baltar the Traitor, Mok Mok the Jawa, space kraken,
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Kandarin
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Ferret princess
Free Pacific States
Nov 27 2005, 07:54 AM

Republic of Kandarin (25 Years Ago) - Special Deranged Sage Division
Office of the Gooey, Indecipherable Text Specialist
"Um, Mr. Gerlin?"

In the darkness, the officer-holder awoke from his nap, regarding the intern who worshiped him. "Yea?"

"We've got a call on line two from one of the House Big-Wigs, wants to talk to you about the recent Ashes to Ashes document." The foolish little creature responded.

"Oh, wonderful! It seems like I've been waiting aeons for him to call! Although, I guess, its probably only been a short time since they came across the manuscript. I assume they want to meet?" The man was not what he was once, his recent car crash turning him into meer shards of his former triumph, ashes of victory, cast earthward, never to fully recover.


"Tommorow, sir. Said their busy today."

"Huh. Must be seeking refuge from some perceived greater threat. Or maybe they just haven't sensed exactly how big of a deal this is. Maybe their just drawn to something else..who knows. Set the appointment sometime after lunch."

Careful, I might actually use that.
"Torpored Caitiff Antediluvian"

Quote:
 
ClipSnap says:
Kandarin should just implode from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.
ClipSnap says:
I mean, no nation could ever sustain that many contradicting belief systems and still exist.
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Kandarin
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Ferret princess
Quote:
 
Ridley suddenly streaked to the side when he saw Khaz fire a rupture device. The attack went sailing by him, only making a couple of small cuts in the left arm. Not that it hurt the dragon much; as long as he's able-bodied, he is very much a highly dangerous threat. In a slight fit of irritation, he suddenly took to the air and streaked at Khaz, using his tail to attempt puncturing that damn armor of his through the neck.

"You're talking to someone that has gone through hell and back quite a few times!" He said, again letting loose another blast of flame. Essentially, Ridley looked to heat that armor so hot to the point that it would quite literally cook Khaz alive.


"Wait a minute", Lord Khaz thought aloud, "Samus Aran beat this guy thousands of times after losing almost all of her weapons. All I have to do is use the weakest weapon I have!" Hastily fashioning a spitball, he hocked it at Ridley. The spitball lodged itself in the dragon's windpipe, causing him to quickly die from oxygen loss.
"Torpored Caitiff Antediluvian"

Quote:
 
ClipSnap says:
Kandarin should just implode from the sheer ridiculousness of it all.
ClipSnap says:
I mean, no nation could ever sustain that many contradicting belief systems and still exist.
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Dannistaan
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Bat Shoot Loco
Quote:
 
OOC: Put into an seperate post for reasons outlined in the OOC topic.

RDAF Hal'von Airforce base, Tactical Missile Facility
00:45 EPT Stealth Cruise Missile Silos

READY FOR COMMAND.
>OVERRIDE ALERTSTATUS -S RED +2
ALERTSTATUS IS AT RED -1, ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO PROCEED? (Y/N)
>Y
WARNING! ALERTSTATUS CANNOT BE CHANGED LOCALLY WITHOUT AUTHORISATION FROM THE DEFENCE MINISTRY OR THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF! PLEASE ENTER AUTHORISATION CODE:
>********
AUTHORISATION CODE ACCEPTED.
WARNING! CHANGING ALERT STATUS LOCALLY IS A HIGHLY UNUSUAL ACTIVITY. THIS HAS BEEN LOGGED AND AN ALERT SENT TO CENTRAL DEFENCE COMMAND!
MISSILE ARE NOW ARMED
READY FOR COMMAND.
>SET ATTACK_PATTERN OMEGA_01 -STM
WARNING! SETTING TARGETS MANUALLY IS NOT RECOMMENDED. ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO PROCEED? (Y/N)
>Y
ENTER TARGET COORDINATES (STANDARD DANNISTRIAN COORD SYSTEM SYNTAX ONLY!)
>SECTOR_001854896.588795650
COORDINATES SET. MISSILES NOW READY FOR LAUNCH. MISSILES WILL SPREAD ACCORDING TO PATTERN OMEGA
READY FOR COMMAND.
>LAUNCH_01-10 -T 60 -SETABRTPWD "DAMOCLIES"
WARNING! SETTING AN ABORT PASSWORD FOR TIMED LAUNCHES IS NOT RECOMMENDED. ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO PROCEED? (Y/N)
>Y
PASSWORD SET. MISSILES 01 TO 10 WILL NOW LAUNCH IN 60 SECONDS AND COUNTING
HAVE A NICE DAY :).

OOC: Obviously the programmer of the system had a sick sense of humour! ;)

"General, I must ask that you step away from the computer!" shouted a Military Police officer who had appeared in the doorway to the control room. He was aiming an assault rifle at the general standing at the computer controls. The general held up his hands and turned to face him.
"You are too late..." he said grimly, "I've already armed the missles and they will launch in about...30 seconds."
"What?! You can't be serious right?"
"Dannistaan has spent too long being neutral. In that time is has grown weak. We will make it strong again..." the general hissed menicingly.
More MPOs appeared. The first MPO looked at the computer monitor, which was still counting down. Ominous clunking of machinery could be heard in the direction of the actual launchers.
"General, I must ask you give me the abort password now!" shouted the MPO, who held his pistol at the general. The general said nothing.
As the MPOs struggled to dissarm the missiles, the computer continued to countdown. The hatches for the underground launchers started to open.

15
14
13
12
11


"General! Innocent lives are at stake. You must abort that launch!"
The launcher hatches yawned still wider.

10
9
8
7
6


"General!! The Defence Minister will not be happy at your actions! Disarm those missiles or we will be in a whole heap of trouble!"
The hatches were now fully open.

5
4
3
2
1


There seemed to be an ominous silence that lasted forever. Then a thunderous roar shook the ground and one by one, the cruise missiles broke free from their underground shackles, lighting up the night sky.

"And where did you target those missile general?! What do you hope to achieve with them?"
The general remained silent for several seconds before he looked up at the MPO. The smile on his face was one of a madman.


"Let's just say I wanted to wipe all communists off the map..." the general laughed evily.
"You...you didn't...you wouldn't...! You can't!" shouted the MPO. He realised what had happened.

A few minutes later, most of Vladistock island, as well as middle of Dannistaan was turned into a deserted wasteland by the nuclear warheads. The East Dannistrians were seen dancing to the song "House of Fun" by the band Madness as their army marched into the remains of the capital. "Death to the commies!! Death to the commies!! Death to the commies!!" Afterwards they celebrated by dining on MREs.

OOC: Sorry, couldn't resist... :D
The Office of Her Majesty's Dannistrian Ambassador to Rillanon, Christie Island
The Royal Confederacy of Dannistaan
In Omnis Unum
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Free Pacific States
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Number One Drone
Quote:
 
OOC: I figured alot of negative publicity has been spread about East Dannistaan, so here's a more positive spin.

Somewhere 35 miles east of J't B'lk (Jot Block) Town, East Dannistaan
14:00 EPT, A small construction site in an empty piece of barren grassland

Adam'ar is an engineer who had been working with Dannistaan Energy Systems Limited (DES Ltd.), the main energy supplier for the entire island. It's main business is electricity generation but in recent times has moved onto oil distribution. Right now though, Adam'ar was one of the workers on a project to build a Geothermal power plant. It is known that Mount Dannistaan is an extinct volcanoe but there are still significant magma flows deep underground. So DES wanted to take advantage of this and build a geothermal test facility to see if it is viable. They were using a new type of laser drill that would economically drill through rock very quickly. So it can be keep drilling without having to replace worn drill bits.

They didn't know what would happen if they drilled too deep though.

"Hurry up with the drilling! Speed it up!" Shouted the site foreman from the site control trailer.
"It's going as fast as it can!" Adam'ar shouted back "I think it has encountered some fairly stubborn rock."
"Well, get the drill to put more elbow grease into it!!"
"Yeah, yeah!" Adam'ar said quietly to himself as he pressed a button on the drills remote control unit. The whining from the laser got louder. Then it stopped abruptly.
"<WARNING! HAZZARDOUS SUBSTANCE DETECTED! DRILL AUTOMATIC SHUTDOWN INITIATED!>" warned the computer system.
"Great!" said Adam'ar, "What next?"
"Hey, what's with the drill?" shouted the foreman again.
"The computer detected something it didn't like and stopped drilling!"
"Well find a way to reactivate it! We are 2 days behind schedule alrea..."

The foreman was interupted by a loud rumbling. Adam'ar looked at the drill shaft in the ground. It was shaking violently.
"Take it out of the bore hole! HURRY!" shouted the foreman panickly.
Adam'ar pressed more buttons and withdrew the drill shaft, running away as he did so.
As the drill shaft withdrew, a large mass of black liquid errupted from the surface. There was some confusion at first to what it was before they released it was a large geyser of oil spraying from underground...


Five Minutes Later..

Adam'ar danced around in the falling oil, singing happily. After a moment, however, he took a deep breath...and realized how bad it smelled. "I thought gas had no smell!" He yelled to the foreman.

The other man nodded. "It doesn't. But this stuff smells like..." Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a small map, and stared intently at it for a few minutes. "Shit."

"What?" Adam'ar asked.

"Thats not oil. We hit the sewage main."
The Federated Alliance of Free Pacific States | Lyon Republic | Republic of Xiopothos | East Pacific Treaty Organization
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