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| TRIAL: Pilfering; A TEP Court RP! | |
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| Topic Started: May 24 2011, 06:13:09 AM (3,921 Views) | |
| Reziel | May 24 2011, 06:13:09 AM Post #1 |
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Eternal Delegate
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Fellow TEPers, I come to us all with heavy and saddened heart. This is a dark and troubled moment for our great region and each one's help is needed. I am almost embarassed to bring this to your attention... but as a standing officer I have to do what has to be done. Because our sacred halls have been violated by a criminal. This individual is guilty of such a terrible sin that it can be barely whispered. But troubled times need brave citiziens... so, here am I. In a moment of weakness, the Holy Vizierish Crown of Salty Popcorns has been stolen. I declare a quest to be started by all heroes willing to be of help. The one who'll find out WHERE the Crown has been hidden by the unnameable traitor will be awarded and given a mighty prize (at Todd's expenses, obviously)! Thank you, brave sisters and brithers! Reziel The Crowned Vizier With No Crown |
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Armis Exposcere Pacem They demanded peace by force of arms ![]()
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| Todd McCloud | May 24 2011, 08:25:54 AM Post #2 |
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Planet Telox
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![]() Someone must DO something about this! |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Smigol | May 24 2011, 03:01:55 PM Post #3 |
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Money for nothing and coups for free
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Perhaps Serenitech can offer you a better, and bigger CROWN?
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Serenitech Corporatocracy: CEO Malcolm Sharpe Demokratish Republik Sachenvorbund Military Council of Sanation | |
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| Todd McCloud | May 24 2011, 04:22:57 PM Post #4 |
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Planet Telox
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*eats some popcorn* ((HOOOLY crap, Smig! That's awesome! I bow to your photoshopping skillz!)) |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 24 2011, 04:42:08 PM Post #5 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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The problem with using a crown as a popcorn bowl is that it tends to leak butter. So I am told. I might be able to locate it. Can I haz prize now? |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Bluto | May 24 2011, 05:47:39 PM Post #6 |
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Fridge Owl
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Did somebody say popcorn? |
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~ Bluto AKA Animal House Recruiter I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid? - Eminem Nude Woman How To Improve Region RMB Adspum | |
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| Todd McCloud | May 24 2011, 07:42:35 PM Post #7 |
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Planet Telox
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*looks at Bluto* I don't habeeb it |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 24 2011, 08:53:54 PM Post #8 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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I honestly think he got that thing at Burger King. |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Todd McCloud | May 24 2011, 09:01:23 PM Post #9 |
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Planet Telox
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I think it was formerly the Archimedes Crown. It floated, though. |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Reziel | May 25 2011, 08:01:58 AM Post #10 |
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Eternal Delegate
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According to my personal :ph43r: :ph43r: :ph43r: :ph43r: , YOU are credited to be the thief, so you cannot have the prize.
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Armis Exposcere Pacem They demanded peace by force of arms ![]()
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| Todd McCloud | May 25 2011, 05:26:37 PM Post #11 |
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Planet Telox
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On the contrary, it appears Bluto has a very suspicious-looking hat nowadays. Perhaps we should secretly obtain a search warrant? Just for his head, not his person, lol. |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 25 2011, 06:47:39 PM Post #12 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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Search Bluto? Eeeeew. Bad idea. Bad idea. OMG. Bad idea. Really. Never ask for anything you're not prepared to deal with. As now I have been formally charged with the alleged crime of the grand theft of the Crown-o-Rez, I hereby convene this Ad Hoc Assembly of gawkers, lolly gaggers, and durn fools to Special Session. Trial-o-Barb Order of Proceedings 1. Smigol shall be charged with the essential duties of catering this trial with tasty beverages (age appropriate, of course), popcorn and snacks (Psst: you can get Bluto to do almost anything for a plate of taquitos), and for screaming "This is an outrage" at awkward and inappropriate moments. 2. Rez shall serve as witness as it Rez who has been - allegedly - so horribly wronged and is bereft of his most sacred crown for whom we all collectively mourn. 3. Todd, former Arbiter Esteemed by Excellence in Accomplishing Things, shall serve as Prosecutor and argue for the state. Or for Rez. Or the state of Rez. Poor dear Rez. 4. Bluto shall serve as counsel for the accused. I apologize in advance. He's all I can afford at this moment. 5. Obligatory Plea for Chicanery, Backstabbing, Bribes, and unholy alliances. And taquitos. My counsel needs taquitos. Oh and this is a bench trial with no damn jurors with flights of fancy Facebooking and IMing during arguments. That really ticks me off. And NO motions for change of venue or "how can a judge be the defendant" or any such silly objections. They are WAIVED. We shall open, appropriately, with opening arguments. I request that Barrister Todd present his case in summary - or at length, it's RP, what do we care - whilst I munch on this popcorn from this shiny bowl. He doesn't have to be a barrister, I just think he looks hot in a wig. Following Todd's initial blather, we shall here from Bluto on the state of the defense (such as it is) and then there will be stuff I say and stuff you do. Capiche?
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Todd McCloud | May 25 2011, 07:21:40 PM Post #13 |
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Planet Telox
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Whispers: Okay, now Rez, make sure you have your finest set of worn-out crutches and a neck brace. Get some shoe polish and put it around your eye so it looks like you have a black eye for good measures. And prepare a good sob story Ahem!! *Cough cough* I mean... I mean I'll prepare an opening statement tomorrow on the matter! |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 25 2011, 09:17:47 PM Post #14 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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The Court acknowledges the prosecution. Now stop being a weenie about it: do tell. Make it juicy. |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Reziel | May 26 2011, 05:37:19 AM Post #15 |
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Eternal Delegate
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... wait a minute, Mrs Prosecution-Acknowledging-Court! Despite the wig and the purple ermine cloak, you seem the thief's twin sister!
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Armis Exposcere Pacem They demanded peace by force of arms ![]()
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| Smigol | May 26 2011, 05:53:09 AM Post #16 |
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Money for nothing and coups for free
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I am supposed to bring drinks without alcohol? This is an outrage! |
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Serenitech Corporatocracy: CEO Malcolm Sharpe Demokratish Republik Sachenvorbund Military Council of Sanation | |
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| Todd McCloud | May 26 2011, 07:40:39 PM Post #17 |
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Planet Telox
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Todd grips his lapels as he paces back and forth in the courtroom. It was a sunny day, and the open windows and fans going near the walls did little to move the hot air in the room. Some held fans and waved them in front of themselves, others simply took the heat in stride and were simply hoping the trial wouldn't take too long. After all, it wasn't like they were getting paid to be here. "Ladies and gentlemen," he finally began, "it pains my to bring to your attention of the alleged pilfering of Reziel's Vizier Crown. But is it alleged? I personally believe it is an open and shut case. I'm here today to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that my client, our dear Reziel, was hoodwinked by the accused and had his crown stolen! Not only that, but my client has informed me he was also assaulted as the criminal act took place! Clearly the perpetrator wanted, nay, demanded that very crown from his being, the fled the scene of the crime!" He paused as murmuring could be heard in the confines of the courtroom. "My client states this happened within the hallowed halls of our Magisterium. As our legislature was debating over the approval of a citizen nominated to become an arbiter, Reziel was seeking to approve said nomination. True, he was trespassing in our legislature's hallowed halls, but that is not why we are here, ladies and gentlemen. What happened next, as he will tell you, is an assailant approached his person, then assaulted him and stole his crown! And that person is sitting in this courtroom right now!" |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 27 2011, 04:59:56 PM Post #18 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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"Order in the court! Order I say!" Barb slammed her gavel so hard it bounced out of her hand, whizzed past Todd's head and nearly knocked Smigol's giant tray of taquitos over. It struck Bluto in the forehead. He continued munching taquitos as if nothing happened. The courtroom collectively gasped. Well, not the court room itself, the people in it. "First, this opening argument-thingy is a change of venue. I demand that this be done improperly and not so backasswards. Someone PM me the link to the off topic trial thread we had already started. We must get our house in order with the merging of those disorderly posts with this thread. Actually we don't have to, but I like shiny Admin buttons and I've been itching to see how they work. That and it was clever and Todd's sudden oratorical outburst WAS supposed to the opening argument for the prostitution. Prosecution. Bluto! Stop eating taquitos, bring me my gavel, stop putting dirty words in my judicial files and get to work on my defense. I mean there's no 'Barb stands accused' statement, no popcorn specific criminal code references, this Presecutorial grandstanding has got to stop or nothing will ever get done. We're running a tight ship here. Smigol, do be a dear and refresh my vodka tonic." |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Bluto | May 27 2011, 05:15:09 PM Post #19 |
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Fridge Owl
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*wipes hands off on dirty sweatshirt, picks up gavel and tosses it back to Barb* *belches loudly* "Sorry," Bluto said, gripping his lapels as he paced back and forth on the defense's barrister table. It was a funny day, and the open windows and fans going near the windows were screaming at Bluto, taking cell phone pictures of him and Facebooking. Some held fans and waved them in front of themselves, others simply collapsed hoping the trial wouldn't take too long. After all, it wasn't like they were ticked off Chicago Bulls fans who might hate LeBron James more than Cleveland fans do. "MiLady, Prosecutor McCloud, assembled rabble, and Rez. Rez for whom our heart quivers like a hummingbird's eyebrow. Rez, bereft of his dear crown and/or glory, snatched away with popcorn intact. It is for Rez we gather here. To right a wrong.." *Bluto leaps off table for dramatic effect and approaches the bench, then turns waving his arms and honking like a goose* "To find justice for our dear Rez!' he shouts. "Trial thread title not withstanding, this was not pilfering, NAY! I tell you. NAY! This was the grand theft of family jewels! JUSTICE MUST BE DONE and the foul wretch who did this should spend years in the dock considering the the waywardness of his or her ways." *raising one eyebrow, Bluto turns to Todd and says in a hushed tone* Please tell the court who was besmirching our fine upstanding Magisternum in the first place with their nonsense and - most importantly - who stands accused." |
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~ Bluto AKA Animal House Recruiter I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid? - Eminem Nude Woman How To Improve Region RMB Adspum | |
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| Barb | May 27 2011, 05:17:24 PM Post #20 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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"Crap. Bailiff! Chain my counsel to his chair and shove a taquito in his mouth. Now PM me that darn link to that other thread and read the formal charge, Lord McCloud. Then call your first witness." |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Deleted User | May 27 2011, 05:52:10 PM Post #21 |
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Deleted User
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Bailiff handcuffs Bluto to chair and hands him a taquito. Bluto squeals. "I recognize this type, MiLady, never get one's hand too close to their mouth or you might come back a few fingers short." Bailiff slams windows shut and fans outside shout, "Pig! Down with you Mister Man!" and turns on court room air conditioning Todd left out of his initial post for dramatic effect. "There's only one thing worse than Bluto, Mister Prosecutor, sweaty Bluto. You may proceed in comfort." |
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| Smigol | May 28 2011, 05:10:31 AM Post #22 |
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Money for nothing and coups for free
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A bowl of taquitos almost has fallen onto the ground. However the sauce had spilled on Smigol's suit. A loud "Kurwa mać, my new suit! This is an outrage!" has been heard from where he was sitting. Oh, crap, hopefully noone can understand Polish. I don't think I can swear in court he thought to himself. Seeing as nobody tried to do something, and that everyone just carried on with the case, he decided to wash of the sauce from his pants. He tried to reach for a water. And then he remembered, that he was in charge of bringing the beverages. And he did! Beers, vodka, wines. There was a gin on the second table. There was a two different bottles of scotch. There were many, many types of alcohol (though no tequila. He always remembered the famous words "Never drink tequila"). Anyway, now that he looked at that, some water, or even a juice would also be helpful. However since there was no water, he decided to wash off the spot with a vodka. Smigol started to open a bottle, when Barb asked him to refresh his vodka tonic. Vodka tonic? He mixes vodka with something? huh...Dunno how to do that. Ah, I'll just pour him only vodka. He'll live. and so he did. Soon Barb's glass was full of vodka. Then Smigol got back to cleaning his pants |
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Serenitech Corporatocracy: CEO Malcolm Sharpe Demokratish Republik Sachenvorbund Military Council of Sanation | |
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| Barb | May 28 2011, 04:28:57 PM Post #23 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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Hey, nice cocktail Smigol. Whatever objections previously raised are denied on grounds that it took me several minutes to figure out how to merge this thread with the old one and now I'm exhausted. Call a witness or I call a recess. |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Reziel | May 30 2011, 10:14:28 AM Post #24 |
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Eternal Delegate
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*Reziel realizes Todd is snoring, takes bucket full of water and splashes Todd in the face, then pushes him towards the center of the judicial arena "Go and earn your wage, Lord McCloud of Clan McCloud! Everyone has witnessed the crime, so just point your finger and call a blessed witness!" |
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Armis Exposcere Pacem They demanded peace by force of arms ![]()
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| Smigol | May 30 2011, 10:38:08 AM Post #25 |
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Money for nothing and coups for free
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"This is an outrage, how can you splash him with a water, and then force him to testify? You call it stimulation, I call it water-boarding!" Says Smigol, who is now standing up, still cleaning his pants. "Besides you say that everybody has witnessed the crime! Well, I didn't. I think it's outrageous to force such an acceleration of the trial, which should be slow, fair and true! WITHOUT such unsupported accusations!" Said Smigol hiding an envelope full of money, he got from Interloper. |
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Serenitech Corporatocracy: CEO Malcolm Sharpe Demokratish Republik Sachenvorbund Military Council of Sanation | |
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| Lazlowia | May 30 2011, 04:40:27 PM Post #26 |
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PR of Lazlowia
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Wait, how can B@rb be the judge and the defendant at the same time? Isn't that a conflict of interest, and in that case shouldn't the whole cast of the trial be rearranged, or whatever is the legal term. (Also for some reason B@rb's name was changed by some filter into the Interloper. Admins think they are funny again.) |
| NSWiki page of Lazlowia | |
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| Todd McCloud | May 30 2011, 07:59:57 PM Post #27 |
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Planet Telox
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Todd grips his lapels like a southern gentlemen (for some reason) and addresses the court. "I wish to call my first witness, Reziel, to the stand!" |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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| Barb | May 31 2011, 05:16:30 PM Post #28 |
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Sergeant Hobo 678
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Testing testing 123 Interloper Oh very funny. Actually that's why I like TEP - one day you're a wiener and the next you're me. Wait. Is that REALLY very funny? Nevermind. Smigol's objection is sustained. There will be no water boarding, black boarding, white boarding, or frog boarding in this court room. Lazlow's motion to unseat the judge due to a potential conflict of interest is denied. Asked and answered actually, if you bothered to read the merged thread. I anticipated that someone would raise the issue of the accused being the judge and have already ruled there's no palpable conflict of interest or tangible conflict of interest and no one has paid me a red cent to sit up here and yell at you and bark out drink orders. *slips Smigol a fiver* Keep 'em coming, sweetheart, we're in for a bumpy ride. A monkey could preside over this trial, really. I mean, my own counsel is Bluto and has already done more damage to my case than the alleged stealing of Rez's snazzy headgear. The recent restoration work is quite exquisite. So I have been lead to believe. I suggest that Soggy Todd of Clan McCloud do some fancy talk and interview his witness before my snoring counsel rises from his taquito-induced nap. |
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Barb Arbiter Barbara Manatee Ulthar Ambassador to The East Pacific Convicted Thief of the Crown of the Vizier Keep TEP beautiful! The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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| Deleted User | May 31 2011, 05:34:17 PM Post #29 |
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Deleted User
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"The Admins ARE funny!" shouted the Bailiff. "The judge paid me to say that." *Bluto, momentarily startled by the outburst, crawled under the table for the Defense, dragging the chair he was handcuffed to with him. Assuming fetal position, he resumes his nap.* MiLady, the Prosecution haz called Reziel as first witness. Please place whatever hand is dominant on this stack of Mad magazines and repeat after me: I Bernard Flapdoodle, President of the Funny Names Society of North America... No wait. Wrong oath. Sorry. I, Reziel Grand Vizier of The East Pacific already wearer of a most sacred crown and a person of unimpeachable character and spot-on memory do solemnly swear to tell who whole truth nothing but the truth so anyway. |
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| Todd McCloud | May 31 2011, 07:15:05 PM Post #30 |
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Planet Telox
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Todd waits for his witness to recite the oath and hopes his neckbrace will help sell the act of abuse within the hallowed halls of the Magisterium. |
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"Your uniform doesn't seem to fit. You're much too alive in it." "You must be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi "The worst prison would be a closed heart." - Pope John Paul II Vekaiyu's Wiki Page | Ikrisia Levinile's Wiki Page | Listonia's Wiki Page | |
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7:36 PM Jul 10