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IFFAN OMARSK HAILS SLAIN SHOPLIFTER.
Kashgar leader Iffan Omarsk has hailed a man as a hero after he was shot dead by police for resisting arrest.
Ishador Arshk stole 2 packets of chicken breasts at a local shop in New Xinjiang. When police caught him red handed, he fled from the scene but was fatally shot by the authorities when he refused to surrender.
Speaking in Argonbari, Mr Omarsk claimed Arshk did not commit theft and was merely taking back what was stolen from the Kashgar people.
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PYONGJING PISTONS FOOTBALLER FINED FOR NON-INTERVIEW.
Pyongjing Pistons footballer Li Mòwén has been fined BL$20,000 for giving a series of mostly reptitive answers during a press conference.
The 20 year old attacking midfielder was named of the match when his side beat intercity rivals Pyongjing United 2-1.
During the interview, Mr Li called for the abolition of the punitive practice of fining players who don’t answer in 10 or more words in a sentence during the press conference. “Abolish the Q+A policy” said Li.
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PIKES CASTLE EXPERIENCE LATEST SETBACK AFTER HEAD OF OPERATIONS ANNOUNCES INCREASED BUDGET FOR 2023.
The Pikes Castle Shopping Mall in Pyongjing continues it’s bad reputation as a poorly maintained building when a piece of false ceiling fell from a connecting pathway on the 1st floor.
No one was injured directly from the falling ceiling but an elderly shopper fell to the floor after being startled by the loud noise it created.
The latest controversy surrounding the mall comes days after the mall re-opened following a hasty refurbishment programme and Head of Operations Tien Lúnsà announced a 20% increase in the mall’s annual budget.
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IS THE THE MOST DANGEROUS EVER?! W.A PUT FORWARD DRUG RELAXATION RESOLUTION.
President Gong Chūrù has slammed the World Assembly for putting forward a resolution that would worsen the drugs problem in Bai Lung.
The World Psychoactive Drugs act would make difficult to penalise serial drug users and would force taxpayers to pay for treatments instead of rewarding hard work.
President Gong has labelled the resolution as one of the most dangerous resolutions ever put forward.
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CELEBRATION OF SPRING IS DEFEATED.
Nations have voted agaisnt the celebration of spring at the World Assembly.
The resolution, deemed by many critics as being wasteful, was defeated 12,674 votes to 2,387.
President Gong Chūrù has spoke positively of the resolution’s demise.
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POP SINGER EARNED BL$10,000 IN ONE WEEK FROM KETAMINE SELLS.
Pop singer JazzE has allegedly sold BL$10,000 worth of ketamine in a single week, the Pyongjing High Court has learned.
The singer, whose real name is Wu Kǎinà, faces charges of drug possession after he was caught possessing the drug back in January this year.
Wishing to remain anonymous, the witness claimed that Mr Wu coerced his peers to take the drug as way to assert his alpha male status.
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INTERNET TROLL ARRESTED BY POLICE FOR INCITING DAMAGE TO PROPERTY.
POLICE ARREST FAILED SUICIDE BOMER IN MAINLAND CAPITAL METRO.
An internet user has been charged by police for suggesting that the Pikes Castle Shopping mall should be destroyed with RPGs.
Zhang Luósī, from Pyongjing, posted on ThrushXpress that the mal should have rockets fired at it as the premise is falling apart.
On 1500 yesterday, Mr Zhang was arrested by police and formally charged for inciting violence.
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PORT TO HELD BY PORT SUNG IN BATTLE OF PORTS DERBY.
Port To have been held to a 2-2 draw by intercity rival Port Sung in the Bai Lungese Top Division.
Despite 2 goals made by Port To striker ‘Bunker’ Jang Qui, their goalkeeper Wu Lāyà had made 2 bad passes which contributed to 2 goals scored by Port Sung midfielder Zhu Lúgǔ.
The country’s biggest teams are now level with 81 points a piece but Port To has the superior goal difference of +60.
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CONSERVATIVE PUNDIT BLASTS MAY DAY.
Controversial political pundit Chen Tiàoguo has called May Day celebrations as a creation of the brutal Chen Jong Sun regime and it should be avoided at all costs.
In his 5 times weekly radio show, the outspoken radio commentator has accused those who celebrate the 1st of May as being supporters of the bloodthirsty Marxist leader.
“We should have a day of celebrating economic freedom” Chen said as listeners gave a mixed reception to his extraordinary rant.
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CONTROVERSIAL SIBLING COMEDY DUO BANNED IN LOCAL COMEDY CLUB.
Comedy duo Chen Duōmǎ and Chen Duōwén have banned from performing at a local comedy club in New Shangdong after performing a series of ill received jokes about drug usage and President Gong Chūrù.
The controversial pair were amongst the featuring acts in the club’s nightly event.
Roughly 5 minutes into their act, the brothers suggested that the president is a pot smoker at night, the crowd booed and hissed at the pair and security were forced to take the pair away from the stage.
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RADICAL COLLEGE PROFESSOR ARRESTED IN CUI.
A college professor has been arrested on suspicion of conspiring to overthrow President Gong Chūrù.
Ren Yōulè, an economics professor from the Cui College, was arrested on suspicion of planning to start an armed insurrection against the president. Fertillisers, metal pipes and electronic wires were found in his apartment.
Shortly after Ren’s arrest, President Gong released a statement condemning all forms of terrorism.
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PRESIDENT GONG REJECTS WORKING TIME LIMIT DIRECTIVE FOLLOWING FERRY CAPTAIN DEATH.
President Gong Chūrù has rejected calls for a time limit directive for all workers following the sudden death of a ferry captain.
Gu Shǎnyào suddenly collapsed during a shift on the lower deck of the lower deck of a Xīng Mèng Ferry. Colleagues claimed that he was working for 20 days straight and only had 48 hours vacation in the past year.
Labour unions have called for President Gong to impose a time limit directive for all workers, citing personal responsiblity.
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AMATEUR WRESTLER ARRESTED OVER CRUELTY TO DOG.
An amateur wrestler has been arrested by police on suspicion of animal cruelty.
BODYSLAM, whose real name is Wang Tàijí, filmed himself performing pile driver moves on his pet dog multiple times and post the video online. The video drew strong condemnation from animal lovers.
Mr Wang could face charges of animal cruelty.
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POP RAMMED FENTANYL DOWN MY THROAT, CLAIMS VICTIM.
Pop singer JazzE allegedly forced a victim to consume fentanyl as part of his truth or dare games whilst nightclubbing, the Pyongjing High Court has learned.
The victim, who did not want to be named, claimed that her life would be in danger if she did not take part in the dangerous games. She claimed that the singer, whose real name is Wu Kǎinà, was forced to take the dangerous drug in the Night Life club over a two year period,
Mr Wu has denied any connection with the individual, labelling her as an attention seeker.
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PRESIDENT GONG REJECTS RISE IN CORRUPTION CLAIMS.
Preisdent Gong Chūrù has rejected claims that the country is experiencing higher higher levels of corruption.
A report released by the World Assembly claims that Bai Lung is the 27th most corrupt nation in the East Pacific, up from 41st in the last report.
But President Gong has insisted that the political system is not corrupt and the country’s constitution ensures the rule of law for all citizens.
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OBJECTORS WILL GROW IN BAI LUNG IF W.A RESOLUTION IS PASSED.
Preisdent Gong Chūrù has warned that the number of conscientious objectors will explode if the World Assembly passed the Protecting Objectors in Combative Military Service.
President Gong’s comments comes a day after a Kashgar man detonated a bomb vest at Bùlǎng Bus Station in New Xinjiang, killing himself and two others.
Commenting about the resolution, President Gong claims that the resolution would undermine national security in the regiion and would result in a sudden increase in conscientious objectors amongst mainland residents .
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PRO-CHEN PROPAGANIST JAILED FOR 5 YEARS.
A freelance aviator has been jailed for 5 years in prison for flying a monoplane over Pyongjing with a banner glamourising the brutal dictator Chen Jong Sun.
Hú Tǎmén was arrested on January 2nd a day after he flew the offensive banner over the capital. Mr Hú has maintained his innocence and claimed that he was paid by outsiders to display the banner but refused to disclose the names of the individuals who gave him the order.
In addition to the jail sentence, Mr Hú’s pilot licence has also been revoked permanently.
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LAWMAKERS CALLS FOR URINE DETECTOR FOLLOWING MICTURATION INCIDENT.
Lawmakers at the Lower House have called for President Gong Chūrù to approve securing funds to install several urine detectors after a visitor to the legislative building was caught urinating.
The offender, identified as 23 year old Yu Dímǐ, was caught on CCTV relieving himself at the 2nd floor corridor leading to some of the offices occupied by the MLAs. The offender also used a marker pen and scrawled random lines on the wall before departing.
The smell was only noticed by a cleaner some 10 minutes later and the offender was later arrested 10 hours later.
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MORE ARRESTS MADE AT LOWER HOUSE.
Police have made an arrest on an indvidual who threw balloons filled with urine at the Lower House.
Zhang Wēiěr threw two balloons filled with the offensive fluids at the entrance of the Lower House and decried the Conservative plans to install the building with urine detectors.
Police have also thwarted Mr Zhang from defecating at the main entrance.
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** ** MAN WHO DROWNED IN HU ISLAND IS DRUG DEALER**.**
A man who operated a small boat and subsequently drowned in the Bai Lungese waters is a drug dealer with a long criminal history.
The body of Na Zhānán was found near a trading port in Hu island along with his capsized boat. Large bags of various narcotics were found nearby.
It is unknown if Na drowned or deliberately overdosed in an attempt to avoid arrest.