Osiris Papyrus #4

Pharoah: Lyanna Stark
Kai Repat: Mahaj
Sepatarchy: Biyah, Lemmon Love, Abbey Anumia, Jamie, Simparsia.
Great Kenbet:Siam Meow, Kain The Dragoon, Zaolat
Council of Ma’at: Rhaegar I Targaryen, New Kervoskia, Oliver

The newly elected Sepatarchy consists of Biyah, Lemon Love, Abbey Anumia, Jamie, and Simparsia. Congratulations! They’ve been seen in cabinet, busy discussing the The South Pacific/Osiris treaty and the MPA “one size fits all" treaty. The The South Pacific treaty, after some long discussion passed the Sepatarchy while the MPA failed to garner support. The NS Republic is currently being discussed.

New citizenship requirements have been implementedhttp://s13.zetaboards.com/Osiris_NS/topic/6888076/1/#new with a purge to clear out old and and inactive citizens having ended just a few days ago. We have also welcomed Renster, Tiger, HORRIBLE HORRIBLE, Sieverill, Moon, mapmakers, Campinia, zippy, Black Aspens, Rawr, Vaughn, Kogvuron, mnubindia, Kostemetsia, Unibot, Anubisia, KevinWasserman, and Chezare Ulahar III as new Citizens of Osiris.

Lemon Love has been busy drafting a welcome message for nations that join Osiris with Lyanna and Biyah. We’re working on a PM system for new members to help them get oriented, as well as keeping the RMB fun and busy! The recruitment requirements of haikus led to some fun ones being posted by Osiris members as well, such as:
In response to the RMB Question: What do nations look like when they revive?

— Begin quote from ____

A nation reborn
Looks like a reversed Urthquake.
Creation ensues.

— End quote

— Begin quote from ____

Interesting Simp!
A reversed Urthquake you say?
Sounds quite neat to me!

— End quote

— Begin quote from ____


— End quote

In response to Nazi Spam:
— Begin quote from ____

The question is moot
haiku or not to haiku
Ban that leather boot

— End quote

Foreign Affairs
In Foreign Affairs, we have established a set embassy policy.http://s13.zetaboards.com/Osiris_NS/topic/6887219/1/#new. Six new embassies have been accepted, including embassies from: Skyrim, the Founderless Regions Alliance, United Defenders League, Taijitu and The Land of Kings and Emperors.

Military Arms and Intelligence News:
Georgie as our Sobek (Vizier of Military Arms) has been asked to set up the Medjai Guard, or regional military. We’ve already got a high membership going up and are working on training and getting more coordinated, with possible collaborations with other regional militarys planned.

Biyah’s been spotted in the corner of the Pharaoh’s Hall, sneakily eating oyster crackers as fast as he can. No one knows for sure what the Vizier of Intelligence is up to, besides, perhaps, himself.

The Game of Thrones roleplay has finally started, although at a slow pace. We have had the new adoption of Jon Targaryen (Simparsia), to Lyanna Stark-Targaryen and Rhaegar Targaryen! Congratulations to the happy family!

Not only that, we’ve started R-r-random IRC games–surprise games here and then for the fun of it. The first of these was a trick!trivia quiz, seeing Biyah and Campinia tie for the win. Congrats to these two!
— Begin quote from ____

<Earth> Is it legal for a man in Wales to marry his widow’s sister? Why?
(In Query, Answer:)<Abbey> Yes, because Wales is weird.
<Earth> Okay, I’m a bit nervous because of Abbey’s answer.

  • Abbey giggles
    <Abbey> I was joking, partly
    <Abbey> It wouldn’t surprise me either way :stuck_out_tongue:
    <Earth> Biyah, Camp, and SL were in my answers correct saying that he’s dead and therefore can’t marry.
    <Abbey> oh bah :stuck_out_tongue:
    <Biyah1> then again, they’re welsh. One never knows
    <Abbey> pretty much the gist of my answer :stuck_out_tongue:
    <SL> isnt there a stereotype of the welsh that they shag sheep?

— End quote

Citizens for Osiris Gluttons for PUNishment!
By: Simparsia

Osirians have been counting down the days to the inaugural episode of the hottest new game show to grace their region: PUNishment!
As the name suggests, the game revolves around wordplay, double-entendres and, of course, puns.

Live studio audience
Much like many of the globally recognized game shows in existence, such as Price is Right and Let’s Make a Deal, PUNishment! is to be played in front of a live studio audience, and contestants will be selected from their seats. Contestants are picked two at a time, and the two then compete against one another in a war of words, so to speak.

“The show’s about being right on the money with your words,” said the show’s host Bingo Sorvino (otherwise known as Simparsia–shhh!), a man who seems to know a thing or two about fast-talking. “You’ve got to be able to think quickly, and have a competent vocabulary. Game shows ain’t just about winning stuff–they’re about expanding your brain and learning stuff.”

The rules of the game are fairly uncomplicated; the contestants are given a topic, and they proceed to have a conversation about said topic. The catch is, each phrase given by a contestant must contain at least one pun. The example given by Sorvino was: “The topic could be about cameras, and one contestant might say ‘Photography isn’t something I’ve had much EXPOSURE to’”. He went on to say that the other contestant would have up to five minutes to come up with a pun-filled reply, and if time run out, they would be declared “stumped” and lose the round. What makes the game harder, however, is that puns are not allowed to be recycled, even if it is in a different context.

Lowest form of humor?
While reception to the game show seems to be warm, the reality of the situation is that people often call puns “the lowest form of humor” and are frowned upon, or groaned at. When asked about this, Sorvino had these words to offer:

“Puns are great. They demonstrate the ability to think quickly on your feet, as well as a highly-developed vocabulary. To participate in a battle of puns, especially when it can become rapid-fire at times, requires a great deal of wit. So all these people who are looking down on puns are only showing one thing: that they’re a bunch of yutzes who can’t handle the hot-seat–and you can quote me on that!”

The show is set to begin on Friday, March 16th 2012 at 7:30pm EST. Anyone who would like to watch the show first-hand, and possibly compete, can do so by going to Esper.net IRC room #PUNishment on that date at that time.

Trial for Suspected Traitor in Early Stages…
by: Simparsia
Let’s face the facts: without the recap of past updates, this would be a really short article.

The trial of Tim has been progressing, but at a virtual snail’s pace. In our last report, the defense had entered the plea of Not Guilty on 16 February 2012. There hasn’t been much happening since then.

The prosecution, led by Hileville, delivered its opening statements on 20 February 2012. The statement was brief; a definition of treason from the Osiris Legal Code, and how the state believes Tim to be guilty of it.

“Treason is defined in the Osiris Legal Code as “an act that betrays the regional security of Osiris in favor of an outside personality or organization, motivated by the intention to undermine or overthrow the lawful government of Osiris.” The prosecution will provide evidence that the defendant committed a betrayal of the regional security of this great region. Tim participated in a conversation in which he encouraged the other participants to “raise hell” and “[expletive removed] Osiris up”. …] The prosecution is seeking a verdict of GUILTY on the charge of committing an act of treason by planning to overthrow the government of the region.”

The defense, led by Durkadurkairanistan, made an interesting move by using the same definition of treason in their counter-argument.

“Treason is defined in the Osiris Legal Code as ‘an act that betrays the regional security of Osiris in favor of an outside personality or organization, motivated by the intention to undermine or overthrow the lawful government of Osiris.’” said the Defense. “I emphasize ‘act’. My client never acted in any sense of the word. My client thought about overthrowing the delegacy of the region, and even discussed the possibility. But at no point did he follow through on any of these conversations; in short he talked of potentially committing a crime but he never actually did commit the crime. This is Osiris, a region that prides itself on its liberalism and liberty; we have no thought police and we shouldn’t.” He finished his argument with “Raising hell is one thing; treason is another. My client is no traitor.” [Emphasis added by journalist]

The prosecution followed up with providing a transcript of the entire discussion as evidence against the accused, and has called its first witness to the stand. The witness, Oliver, was the acting-Pharaoh of the region at the time of the attack. The call to the stand was issued on 27 February 2012 – it wasn’t answered until 3 March 2012. Upon taking the stand, the witness said:

" would have appreciated some sort of heads up that was being called as a witness", apparently an oversight by the prosecution.

“I’d appreciate if I could still be a citizen here…”
The accused has personally admitted to having the conversation, but maintains that he is not a traitor, and his motives are misunderstood.

“Yes, I partook in the Osiris chat. And yes I told them to ‘[Expletive that rhymes with “duck” Removed] IT UP’. Not meaning this in the grief manner you probably thought,” he said in his own defense. “I was taking a bit of a raider thought process towards this. My thought process, at twisted as it may be, was that a raid on Osiris would do what a raid usually does to regions. It makes them more active.” While his stance on his actions has been primarily defensive, Tim did express at least some remorse. “I told them to attempt an Osiris raid, but I had a different outlook on it than them. I should have voiced this earlier and I regret that I didn’t…So I’d appreciate if I could still be a citizen here. It’s a really nice region and I’d still like to work to increase life here even if I’m not delegate.”

The Osirian Papyrus will continue to update as the trial progresses. It is recommended that no one puts their lung capacities to the test for a verdict to be reported just yet–we seem to still have some way to go.[/spoiler]

Osiris: Believe It or Not!**

[spoiler]BERN – Swiss scientists say they can prove beyond a doubt that the Lost City of Atlantis was on Mars, and its astronauts traded with ancient Egypt for thousands of years! Even more incredible, they claim to have the evidence to show that the legendary King Tut died spectacularly in a space shuttle crash with an alien crew.

“The Martian Civilization destroyed itself or was destroyed by a meteor while Egypt was still in its prime,” Dr. Stephan Weisz told a gathering of reporters and scientists in Bern, Switzerland. But the inhabitants left their mark both on Earth and Mars. Top secret photographs taken by America’s Martian probes clearly show the remains of temples on the surface of the planet.

“Egypt’s pyramids and the ability to mummify the human body are definitely the result of technologies that originated not on Earth but someplace else, in this case Mars. It is our belief that the Atlantans traded these technologies to the Egyptians for gold.”
Dr. Weisz and a colleague, Egyptologist Conrad Vetsch, said that a recently deciphered Egyptian scroll first led them to believe that Atlantis was located on Mars. The scroll describes a technologically advanced civilization existing beyond our own planet “in the vast, black ocean of space.”

It also alludes to space travel and the use of a shuttle craft to ferry manlike extraterrestrials from a space-bound mother ship to the surface of Earth.

“Researchers have long known that the Egyptians were exposed to flight because an elaborate model of what they called a glider was found in Tut’s tomb,” Dr. Weisz told the group. “In light of information gleaned from the scrolls, we now see that the glider was in fact the replica of a space shuttle. And it was just such a space craft that crashed with Tut aboard.”
Not everyone attending the conference agreed with the experts’ theories. Dr. Seth Rausch, a German historian, thinks they went too far in calling the Martian civilization Atlantis. “I don’t doubt that the Egyptians were in contact with extraterrestrials,” said the expert. “But until we actually inspect the ruins on Mars, there is no way to know if they are the remains of Atlantis.”

“In my opinion, if Atlantis did exist, it existed here on Earth.”

Norwegian astronomer Elling Gade agreed. “Atlantis might have been the colony of an alien civilization. But it most definitely was located on this planet,” he said.[/spoiler][/spoiler]
And with that, we leave you with a final haiku:
Come, join Osiris
A home to all who seek it.
Just don’t be a douche.
-Haiku King Simparsia