The Interesting FISH Times

[hr][size=100][size=100][size=100][size=100]Welcome to Interesting Times.[/size][/size][/size][/size]A newspaper and general information source based out of Celesti’s Below-ground metropolis, Dunmanifestin. [hr]

This Just in from the Capitol building!

New Technologies Allow Direct Communication!

Yesterday morning, researcher and wave physicist Levi Erchlecklenshteiguraphghn hit his head on the toilet bowl as he was cleaning his bathroom mirror. Today, he professes that he has invented a device allowing tangible conversation with infini-dimensional beings such as Cori Celesti’s leader, AZRAEL.

He calls it the Comprehensive Minimizer Array, and claims that it

      "Just came to me shortly after suffering a minor concussion - my fifth, by the           
   way. I wasn't able to focus on anything, but as I was lying there, I just saw it 
   appear in front of my eyes... it looked like sixteen and a half toilets arranged 
   together in the formation that we have now built... now, if you look at this 
   diagram, you can clearly see that the geometric values of the circular, or 
   residential toilet is, when coupled with fifteen and a half of the same ideal for 
   widening or minimizing the bandwidth of sound the sufficient amount to, in 
   essence, hear or broadcast to another dimens-" 

 This was as much as our field reporter heard before government officials gave Mr. Erchlecklenshteiguraphghn a sedative.* 
 As of eleven o'clock this morning, AZRAEL had been contacted, and was informed of the situation. He has since used this Array to issue all necessary executive orders and attend meetings, instead of the old school "Skype" or "Facebook Chat" methods.

*It should be noted that this was not to suppress him - the field reporter was about to fall over from sudden onset exhaustion caused by boredom

Article by Joelius Maxinimus, The Interesting Times

[hr][size=100][size=100]The Interesting Times.[/size][/size][hr]

The Z Prize Competition Underway!

The NDSRU, or National Deep Space Research University, recently announced that it would be sponsoring the Z Prize this year. The Z Prize is a competition where students and corporations, enterprising young men and Doctoral Quantum Physicists team up to achieve goals set for them by the judging committee. This years’ goal, it is reported, will be to build a vehicle capable of traveling to the moon and back supporting at least two astronauts. Some may think that this is no big deal. Man has been to the moon many, many times before, has it not? The spectacular part about this competition, though, is the requirements. NDS’s Vice Principal and Z Prize committee chairman explained in detail at tuesday’s press conference:

“But that’s not all. No, that is not all. Teams will be required to perform this task without using rockets or non-renewable fuel in under One hour. Now, this may sound absurd, but we here at National Deep Space feel that it is time. The government has been selling off a substantial amount of technology of late due to military downsizing and tax cut acts. This will help open the door to previously unheard of methods of travel and propulsion. NDSRU has purchased most of the technological research in this field, and it will be made available, or ‘open sourced’, if you will, to all Teams.”

Officials hope that this contest will bring forth a new age in Cori Celesti, one defined by frequent travel and exploration of our nearest galactic neighbors.

Article by Fil Dundie, The Interesting Times

[hr][size=100][size=100]The Interesting Times.[/size][/size][hr]

“Hello, Dunmanifestin! This is Good Morning East Pacific, bringing to you live the hottest news and most intrigu-”

This is not a broadcast from your local news agency
Your government has been thrown out. All alliance with Azrael has been eliminated. He WILL BE cast forever into darkness, falling into the shadow of the our glorious God: FISH. Even now, our holy troops march across the land, preparing to invade that cesspit of dictatorship, Dunmanifestin!!!

He shall lead us to redemption from our demoralized and structured society!
So pick up your fishing rods! Put down those bill, those… those MUNDANE JOBS!

I call you to your true destiny, Cori Celesti! YOU WILL BE FREE!"

“Whoops! Sorry citizens! Looks like our transmission got cut off there for a moment!
On another note, Cori Celesti has been thrown into a panic by recent insurgent broadcasts. Our reporter, Steve McQueen, is in the field.
What’s going on out there, Steve?”

“Well, Jim, it is a mess! The streets are choked with fathers and sons on their way to fish at the local creek, and no one is doing any work! Fishmongers have popped out of every nook and cranny, and, as you can see from this street here behind me, are agressively selling fish to the public! It is amazing how a little propaganda can raise this much awareness of how… how… how delicious these fish… delicious…”

“Steve! Can you here me, Steve? Well, folks, it appears that Steve has lost reception, or gone mad. I can see, he is wolfing down fish from that vendor over there… Ok, well, now we’ve lost the camera man as well. Great. Anyways, folks, We are here to warn you. Stay off the streets! Close your windows!! Turn off your TV’s (after this broadcast, of course). A fish epidemic is sweeping the nation! Put your car air conditioner on circulate! Whatever you have to do, do not go mad for fish!”

“This is Jimmy Colbert, Signing out.”

“(This broadcast sponsored by the Cori Celesti federal government for benefit of all citizens.)”

[hr][size=100][size=100]The Interesting Times.[/size][/size][hr]

This illuminating encounter has been brought to light in the East Pacific via a telephone encounter that our reporter, Robert Kimmel, had with a citizen of Cori Celesti. It brings to light the terrifying truths raging in behind the country’s passive and agreeable national front.

Begin account:

Esteban Turner switched on the radio. Yep. Still just static. It had been static since the fish uprising, three months earlier. He still remembered watching the takedown of the local news station, and subsequent propaganda messages, on his TV. Never before had Este seen such an occurrence.
He had been pondering this fishy phenomenon for about five minutes when the radio suddenly crackled to life.


The static returned. Esteban hurried over to his television set. He never even turned it on anymore – all that was ever broadcast now was pictures of fish. Largemouth Bass, Rainbow Trout, Blowfish, you name it, it had been there. One time, Esteban had been sleeping, and he had been awakened by strange noises from the living room. He had gotten up and seen, to his confusion, the TV, on, complete with hypnotic fish pictures. He was sure he hadn’t left it on. He had to unplug it to get it to turn off. But Esteban plugged it in now. He had to know what was going on. He had stayed in his apartment for three months, eating canned beans and ramen, and he was going stir crazy.

The TV turned on by itself, making Esteban jump.

“-AND HERE WE HAVE THAT STAIN, THAT BLACK MARK UPON OUR NEW HOLY FREEDOM, THE SO-CALLED CAPITOL BUILDING!!! I ask you, citizens, should we remove its evil shadow from our hearts and minds forever?” The (obviously cheap camcorder) view panned across to the square in front of the capitol, and the streets beyond, where Esteban saw millions of people in a vast crowd, cheering and holding signs promoting fish and freedom. “I SEE YOU LOOK FORWARD TO THIS MOMENT AS MUCH AS I DO, CITIZENS!!! I am happy that we could be so enlightened. What do you say? LET IT BEGIN!!!”

And Esteban saw it. The explosions began at the top of the building, just below the figurehead, a statue of someone important he could not remember. In numerous stages of fire and noise (which Esteban could hear and feel through the floor of his apartment), the gold dome went, then the marble wings of the building to the left and right, and finally the central section itself. The statue fell in the center, lost in dust and debris. Then the voice returned, to vibrant cheers from the millions present. “THERE YOU HAVE IT, CITIZENS – NAY, EQUALS!!! ALL GLORY TO THE FISH!! THE EVIL AND HATED AZRAEL HAS BEEN OVERTURNED!!! (Tune in at five to see the liberation of the ‘justice’ building and other relics of the controlled and static past.) FISH!!!”

Esteban was shocked. He had not thought the country to be all that bad before… Sure, the government had been a little oversized, but nothing as bad as all that… Then the fish craze had hit. Esteban felt lucky that he had stayed in his apartment.

End Account

Thank you for your attention during this grim and disheartening broadcast. It is not yet known when the new government will make itself officially known, but it shall surely be awaited with dread by the rest of the region.