(Translated by Even More Accurate Translations Ltd. For inquiries, please contact Evan Moore, 519 Kuran Ave, Newport, Nystatiszna)
Much of the recent history of the Kingdom of Alksearia has been defined by their occupants’ apparent biological and physiological inability to tell the truth. Over the past few years, the news of the world has been treated to Arcturian comedies such as “a democracy where the queen arrests prime ministers she doesn’t like”, “a defensive alliance constantly on the attack”, and just this week, “a car-racing team that doesn’t want its drivers to go car-racing”.
The trouble began, well, as soon as our poor Kasran is’Vaara signed with Novia Racing, but it flared up at his home grand prix in the great city of Azmarin/Zlovskavaar. His team had incorrectly prepared the car, and it tripped the anti-stall at the start of the race, throwing away his hard-earned pole position and sending him momentarily into eighth place. On his way to reclaim what was rightfully his, he overtook cars that were in front of him - part and parcel of a motor race, but not according to Novia, who ordered him to stop before overtaking his teammate. In a brilliant show of defiance and justice that would have made The Opposition proud, he went for it anyway, sending a heroic divebomb down into the first turn and setting himself up for the win he so clearly deserved. His so-called teammate, however, complained that the overtake was allegedly “dangerous”. I suppose that exaggerating the potential for personal harm in order to garner sympathy is a core part of the Alkari playbook. Can’t be too surprised.
We also cannot be too surprised at an Aszar driver lacking spatial awareness - one too many knocks to the head from rugby, presumably - leading to a crash involving Kasran just one week later. Kasran had even done the undeserving Novia so-called Racing the favour of pirouetting off of the Jurut-Tinai barriers and into the championship leader, Mitch Noxal, wiping out the twelve points he was set to earn that race.
But as usual, there was no pleasing the team principal, the ever-grumpy Hector so-called Adnet, who was even grumpier the week after, when his prized Alkari driver brake-checked Kasran down the winding straights of the Neo-Fantøm street circuit. Perhaps that was because the concrete walls lining the track helped provide some karma by funneling Kasran’s damaged car directly into the path of the one that had damaged it. But just as it happened in Ouroborous, it happened in Handelvaar: the Alkari do not enjoy facing the consequences of their actions.
As a father to a young lady who is learning to drive using the family RR, I can sympathise with the budgetary shock to the team. After all, with hard racing naturally comes hard crashes. But surely Novia must be making enough profit off of their overpriced so-called cameras to make up for a couple of dents and cracks.
Novia team principal Hector Adnet claims that poor Kasran was “disobeying team orders”, and I do have to admit that he did, in fact, do that. It appears that he is the only member of the team who realised that “obeying team orders” is generally superseded by “obeying the laws of physics”. It’s a mark of typical Alkari arrogance to believe that they can drag the universe into supporting their so-called team the same way they dragged the nations of Urth into a wholly unjustifiable war.
It is said that history never repeats but it often rhymes. Poor old Kasran is’Vaara may soon find himself seeking friendship with former Alkari prime minister Matthias Barbet, who similarly campaigned for justice and fairness, but was rewarded for his efforts by being martyred by the nation he was so selflessly trying to help. Whether it be King Eldras or King Hector, the Alkari have shown they will always put their own petty goals first. I can only hope, by the grace of Xaethos, that when Hector Adnet faces the consequences of his actions, it is not to the same magnitude as it was when King Eldras faced his.
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