[AU]Second Thoughts?

Ever had a really funny, but totally innapropriate (for the RP) idea for a response for an RP? Something you’d love to share, but can’t, because it’d kill the RP community, cause an international incident, etc? Well, this is the thread for it. I’m not talking about actual RP…but like…bloopers. Just post any comedic thoughts you have! Post at any time!

Allow me to start.

— Begin quote from ____

“Oh come on sug,” replied the woman, throwing her self, chest first, into Matt. “So am I , but we can live a little, and I’m sure someone in such a nicely dressed manner as you has entered the realm of promiscuity once in a while, eh?”

— End quote

Matt pushed her to the ground. “I’ll show you promiscuity…”


Matt fell back, pushing her away. “I’m sorry, but…I’m gay.” Having been a succesfull politican for years, he told the lie with complete sincerity, keeping his face straight, and fingers uncrossed.

— Begin quote from ____

Why can we not either, for security reasons?  The Secret Service agent feels it is necessary for our security to accompany us nonetheless, and I the same."

— End quote

One of the guards goes nuts, saying, “Dang it! The answer is NO!” He starts to slap the diplomat silly, until the guy’s head rolls off his shoulder. “Oops,” the guard thinks to himself." “Er, I suppose the bodyguards can go through now,” said the director, completely embarassed, as he turns to the other guard and says, “Pick his head up, would you? It’s the least we can do.”

I’ve literally had dozens of these:

— Begin quote from ____

“Then, old friend, it seems we have a standoff on our hands.”

— End quote

SOUTHERN KRECHZIANKO:

“Comrade-Lieutenant, I’m preparing my arming key. On my order, release the entire arsenal into Packilvania.”

— Begin quote from ____

The Govindian representative spat back, near them, but not at them. “Bourgeois? Hardly, you hypocrite,” he said as they moved back to their limo as well. “Maybe when you try to explain this to you god damned Central Committee you can explain why your guards decided to bully me around and threaten me when I didn’t even touch you? Please,” he finished as they got in the car and drove away.

— End quote

The representative snapped his fingers, and the Marines drew their machine pistols. Bullets flew into the car, riddling the Govindian and throwing blood and casings through the air. The car skidded to a halt, and they put several morerounds into his chest.

“I think not, comrade.”

Let’s make sure this is not all about one player.

My first one was about Pack…

Lestin Road
Towards Liberty City
Whipping her hand out of his pants with his left hand, Matt stepped back, and used his right hand to keep her from falling back. Once she straigtened out, he took another step back, onto the side of the road, and sighed. “Sorry…but I’m not…”

He was cut off as the 18 wheeler ran him down, squashing him to the pavement.

Govindia
Tecnoic plates

Kareeka rips open the tectonic plates and destroies the planet, seeing as Govindia refused to put up even the slightest bit of a fight.

Geirtz wanders into the erong room, and…

“SCREE-EEEEE!!!”

“Aah!!! Get this D*@# thing off of ME!!!”

Pentastar walked into the office, and looked towards the man behind the desk. “Premier, the assasination of General Brownoff will go as planned. That is, if you have my payment.”

For several seconds, the person behind the desk said nothing. Then, he turned his chair to face Pentastar. “Wait…what?”

Looking into the face of Brownoff, Pentastar swore. “This isn’t the Premier’s office, is it?”

— Begin quote from ____

this is to announce to the East Pacific, that the new Pax ship class, the Dyson Sphere, will be completed soon. Stats will be announced on its completion.

— End quote

Charles Dyson: WHAT THE HELL! Oh, thats it! I’m so suing their asses off for that…

— Begin quote from ____

Pentastar walked into the office, and looked towards the man behind the desk. “Premier, the assasination of General Brownoff will go as planned. That is, if you have my payment.”

For several seconds, the person behind the desk said nothing. Then, he turned his chair to face Pentastar. “Wait…what?”

Looking into the face of Brownoff, Pentastar swore. “This isn’t the Premier’s office, is it?”

— End quote

:lol:

lol classic fps

The Oval Office, The West Wing, The White House

Alec was reading some reports when suddenly someone threw himself into the glass doors leading outside.

The man, dark haired, white, and in a suit got up and straightened himself out.

“Who the hell are you?” asked Alec.

“The name’s Bond, James Bond, Alec Trevelyan. Remember me?”

Alec dropped his jaw. “Shit,” he said and ran as fast as he can through another entrance way into the Oval Office and down the West Wing hallways, with Bond in pursuit

— Begin quote from ____

The Oval Office, The West Wing, The White House

Alec was reading some reports when suddenly someone threw himself into the glass doors leading outside.

The man, dark haired, white, and in a suit got up and straightened himself out.

“Who the hell are you?” asked Alec.

“The name’s Bond, James Bond, Alec Trevelyan. Remember me?”

Alec dropped his jaw. “Shit,” he said and ran as fast as he can through another entrance way into the Oval Office and down the West Wing hallways, with Bond in pursuit

— End quote

Heh. Ever since I saw that your leader was Alec Trevelyan I’ve been wondering if something like that was ever going to happen. =P

yea i know…thought you guys would say somethin :stuck_out_tongue:

— Begin quote from ____

COPY

Noon came around faster than the Dehli troops expected. The Pax had been blasting those “get out now or being exterminated” messages for some time now, but this was the last bastion of the proud Govindian people. Nothing could ever get into the city. Between the clone trooper reinforcements, and the last remaining Jedi, they would fight off wave after wave, until the blasted invaders collapsed.

Pax Troops

“It is time. Tlant has decreed that it be built here. The last bastion of their hope shall become our greatest symbol of power. Initiate stage one.”

Space
“One shot is all it will take. One shot is all they will ever see. Let the heat of creation and destruction rain upon them.”

The Hive link allowed for almost instant firing of any ship weapon, but still. The general liked to push the button. It was red. Smaller than normal, but still red. And with it, the hopes and dreams of an entire civilization would die.

The first second

The beam hit with all the warning the Pax had given. The energies of singularities had long been a mystery to most civilizations, but for one that could learn to tap the bloated gravitational fat… Well the energies were enourmous, and yet they still werent enough to power the larger of the Pax ships. They worked well as weapon boosters though. This weapon had originally been designed as the sun popper, named after what a nekomimi child had decreed in her fit of laughter at the destruction of Alden 1. It traveled at nearly the speed of light, throwing off the basic elements of the universe and concentrating them into a beam no wider than a cosmic sting. Still, enourmous destructive power was held within that small area. It hit the atmosphere, and almost instantly, a ten mile firecolumn shot towrads the surface as the oxygen in the air began to burn…

On the ground.
Gopi and her daughter Garki were sitting in the park. Even in the face of extreme horror, this city had managed to keep up illusions. The Pax warnings were heralded as hoaxes. No foreign army would ever set foot onto the city’s soil. She was playing with the one year old, a simple game of peekaboo, when she noticed a slight breeze.

“The gods have blessed us indeed. With such a fine breeze to cool us on a hot day.”

She never noticed it growning stronger, or that it was blowing almost stright up. When the beam finnaly hit the troposphere, the air was sucked up almost instantly, throwing anything that wasn’t secured to the ground into the air at horrendus speeds. Gopi didn’t know what happened to her child, and even as the air was sucked from her lungs, and she began to pass out from the lack of oxygen in the air she still tried to call her daughters name. It came out as more of a garbled rasping folowed by a high pitched whine as she gasped for air. Then there was the light. The light of god, as the arlenians had called it in their days of soveirenty. It hit the shield, and it actually held for a moment, but not that long. The intense radiation fried the fractal loop that powered the shield, and it collapsed. Gopi was one of the lucky ones. She would not have to experience the beam actually hitting the ground, for the radiation pouring forth from the immense light had all but cooked her to death. Her last thought was of the gods forsaking her, and her governments all but unbelievable deceit…

— End quote

Then Thant remembered something… the beam had been set to FULL power…


All at once there was a great disturbance in the Force, felt through out the multiverse, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced…


The Afterl… errr… The Other Dimension

Thant was suddenly surrounded by billions and billions of entities staring angerly at him, directly in front of him was a spirit who once was known as Matthew Terrus, now dressed in a white cloak and holding a harp, looking not too happy. Terrus’ face turned red and he began fuming and uttering an untold number of curses…

Suddenly, Terrus smashed his harp and grabbed a pointy stick out of the debris… the other entities followed suit and they advanced on Thant…

— Begin quote from ____

Noon came around faster than the Dehli troops expected. The Pax had been blasting those “get out now or being exterminated” messages for some time now, but this was the last bastion of the proud Govindian people. Nothing could ever get into the city. Between the clone trooper reinforcements, and the last remaining Jedi, they would fight off wave after wave, until the blasted invaders collapsed.

Pax Troops

“It is time. Tlant has decreed that it be built here. The last bastion of their hope shall become our greatest symbol of power. Initiate stage one.”

Space
“One shot is all it will take. One shot is all they will ever see. Let the heat of creation and destruction rain upon them.”

The Hive link allowed for almost instant firing of any ship weapon, but still. The general liked to push the button. It was red. Smaller than normal, but still red. And with it, the hopes and dreams of an entire civilization would die.

The first second

The beam hit with all the warning the Pax had given. The energies of singularities had long been a mystery to most civilizations, but for one that could learn to tap the bloated gravitational fat… Well the energies were enourmous, and yet they still werent enough to power the larger of the Pax ships. They worked well as weapon boosters though. This weapon had originally been designed as the sun popper, named after what a nekomimi child had decreed in her fit of laughter at the destruction of Alden 1. It traveled at nearly the speed of light, throwing off the basic elements of the universe and concentrating them into a beam no wider than a cosmic sting. Still, enourmous destructive power was held within that small area. It hit the atmosphere, and almost instantly, a ten mile firecolumn shot towrads the surface as the oxygen in the air began to burn…

On the ground.
Gopi and her daughter Garki were sitting in the park. Even in the face of extreme horror, this city had managed to keep up illusions. The Pax warnings were heralded as hoaxes. No foreign army would ever set foot onto the city’s soil. She was playing with the one year old, a simple game of peekaboo, when she noticed a slight breeze.

“The gods have blessed us indeed. With such a fine breeze to cool us on a hot day.”

She never noticed it growning stronger, or that it was blowing almost stright up. When the beam finnaly hit the troposphere, the air was sucked up almost instantly, throwing anything that wasn’t secured to the ground into the air at horrendus speeds. Gopi didn’t know what happened to her child, and even as the air was sucked from her lungs, and she began to pass out from the lack of oxygen in the air she still tried to call her daughters name. It came out as more of a garbled rasping folowed by a high pitched whine as she gasped for air. Then there was the light. The light of god, as the arlenians had called it in their days of soveirenty. It hit the shield, and it actually held for a moment, but not that long. The intense radiation fried the fractal loop that powered the shield, and it collapsed. Gopi was one of the lucky ones. She would not have to experience the beam actually hitting the ground, for the radiation pouring forth from the immense light had all but cooked her to death. Her last thought was of the gods forsaking her, and her governments all but unbelievable deceit…

— End quote

Suddenly, one of the firing mechanics turned. “Um…General, we picked the wrong target by accident…”


Liberty City- The Blue House
WMD Bunker
The janitor and group of guards who had been in the bunker at the time pushed the large door opened, as the bunkers CO twisted the manual release. Finally opening it, they looked into the wall of dirt.

“Thats not good, is it?”

As the Pax beam weapon fired upon the surface, the whole area turned to cheese?!

Tlant looked around and asked, “What the- what happened? Why did the Star popper turn Govindia to cheese?”

But as he aksed that he would wish he didn’t for all hell borke loose! Giant pyrimids emerged from hyperspace and bombarded the planet with the French National Antheym.

“The Evil Council (for French Aliens)! I should have known.” He said as he sat back down. “They have been a thorn in my side for too long!”

But before he could order the fleet to fire upon the Evil Council, the bridge officers all said, “Wee! Wee! We will turn the planet to cheese!” And with that they fired a beam at him that turned him French.

— Begin quote from ____

It appeared to Katharine that Eve almost preferred to play the type of role she herself did…and perhaps at this moment did not want to recall the instrumental role she had played in the Packo-Wachovian “diasagreements”, as the Faction referred to them at home in Kangarawa. Katharine took a few more appetizers from the tray still just within reach and said, “I do realize I’m jumping the gun a little, and not playing “diplomacy”, but I wonder if we might have the opportunity at some point to talk a little about the Pax. Forgive me for being blunt, but my guess is that you know probably as much about them as anyone here tonight with perhaps the exeption of our host. I, and my nation, find ourselves in the position where we may need as much information as we can get from those willing to share intelligence sources. As hard as it is for me to say, we may also be in need of an ally.” Katharine hoped everything that she had heard about Eve was true. If not, she’d just made a grave error.

Dmitri watched as the two women spoke. Although Kahtarine was both smiling and eating, he recognized the FPS Ambassador to Wachovia. Although not unexpected, he wondered how quickly Katharine would move, if indeed she did.

— End quote

The referee came out of nowhere, running up next to the two ambassadors.

http://www.concilium.de/assets/images/Football_Referee.jpg
OVER-USED DIPLOMATIC BLUNTNESS. POSSIBILITY OF ALIENATION. TWO PENALTY POINTS, FREE PACIFIC STATES!

<<<<THE FOLLOWING IS A DELETED SCENE FROM SHIRO>>>>

As Jill watched the Loop authorities take the lightsaber and examine Tirith’s body. The racoons came back. They crashed through the wall with a black GMC SUV (which they stole the keys from one of the gay Jedi), grabbed the bodies weapons that the Loops missed, threw the SUV into reverse and drove off into the forbidden forest, where the students swore they heard multiple crashes from the SUV running over somethings. The fact that genetically altered armed racoons who know how to drive is very disturbing.

Three days later, the SUV was found in a nearby parking lot, beat up and totaled after a strange police report of racoons using the drive tru and stealing all the food from the local Wendy’s emerged. The SUV was loaded with wrappers and racoon scat.

Rabies, the racoon Jarod and Oswald have, remains their loyal buttler racoon.