Announcement? From the Office? Of the Provost?
The Tracen Transcripts, Part I
The year was 2025. The Provost of the Magisterium of the East Pacific (and our story’s hero(?)), AC, had taken a “brief” vacation to the country of Japan, not to be confused with the NationStates region of the same name. Unfortunately, he was struck in the head by a foul ball from Munetaka Murakami during a Yomiuri Giants and Tokyo Yakult Swallows game at Meiji Jingu Stadium in Tokyo. He survived the injury with only a minor concussion, but for reasons unknown to all involved, he soon found himself on the grounds of the Japan Umamusume Training Center Academy (hereinafter Tracen Academy). This is his story.
Our hero, AC, somehow wanders onto the grounds of Tracen Academy. Here he is quickly met by an unfamiliar lady in quite the shade of green. She almost looks like she could be one of the secretaries back in Rilanon; however, our hero quickly reminds himself that he is, in fact, on Honshu, and not on Christie Island.
The woman meets the confused gaze of our hero and begins to speak. “Hello, sir, you look a little lost. Here to see one of our lovely scrimmages today? Perhaps you’re interested in scouting one of our Umamusume?”
AC responds, still in a slight daze: “Uma-what-now?”
The woman looks stunned. “You don’t know about the wonderful Umamusume of Tracen Academy? These are simply the most excellent runners you’ll ever see! It’s a must-watch experience, sir! And, you know what, in that outfit…” (the woman gestures to the Provost’s casual attire of a polo and slacks) “…you look like you could be the type of trainer we’ve been searching for for years! How much do you know about running?”
Our hero is absolutely flummoxed at what he hears. “…Ma’am, I’m a pitcher. We famously don’t run very well.”
The woman, in spite of the response she gets, lights up. “Well, that means you have at least some experience doing these sorts of things, no? You’ll do just fine! Come, the race is about to start!”
Offered no clarity on the matter, the Provost has no choice but to comply, and quickly finds himself in front-row seating alongside the mysterious lady in green at what appears to be a horse racetrack? But.. those are girls! With.. horse ears? And horse tails? What would Marrabuk think? Am I seeing this right?
The Provost, ever more baffled at the sight before him, adjusts his glasses before facing the mysterious lady in green. “Yo, boss, number one, could I get some Advil, and number two, what are those?”
The woman quickly produces - from what is apparently thin air - two Advil, quickly handed to the Provost. “Number one, here, and number two, those are our prized Umamusume. The greatest racers in all of Japan, if not the world. There exists no greater speed, stamina, power, guts or wit on two feet. Nothing compares to our athletes.”
The Provost asks no questions and quickly - and gratefully - consumes the Advil without either a beverage or much trouble, to the mild surprise of his… tour guide? Who is this lady, anyway? “…okay, all of that said, do you have a name, or are you just one of the front-facing figures of the shadow government?”
The woman smiles, ignoring the ‘shadow government’ remark. “Oh, how impolite of me! Tazuna Hayakawa, secretary to the Director here at Tracen Academy. Yourself?”
Our hero inhales, exhales, and puts on a face not unlike a usual political interaction back in Rilanon. “A.C. Actinium. I’m a government official in the East Pacific, however I’m not here on official business. Entirely recreational.”
“Ah, The East Pacific! I’ve heard bits and pieces about that place. Didn’t your Delegate recently pass? My condolences.”
“No, they just call him Dead. I don’t know why, either. But, despite being Dead, he is very much living.”
“Ah.”
After some more casual discussion that did not spark the interest of EPNS journalists, the race begins. AC struggles to follow the huddle of bodies on account of his outdated eyeglass prescription, and when the race is over, the Provost asks the secretary who won.
“That’s Special Week, sir,” Tazuna says, glowing at even the slightest indication of interest from the young man to her left. “Came here all the way from Hokkaido, bringing with her a talent and passion for racing which places her amongst the most promising in her class. I can tell you now that racing fans will hear her name for quite some time to come.”
“Got it,” the Provost replies as he, along with the rest of the crowd, begins to head for the exits. “However, I really should be going. Thank you for accompanying me on this wonderful experience. I will be sure to tell this story to my contemporaries back home.”
“You’re very welcome, sir. Please visit again soon! We have many promising talents I think you’d love to see, and - again - we’re always in need of new trainers! We have so many of them retiring or leaving as of late…” The secretary looks ever-so-slightly resigned as she says this.
The Provost chuckles. “Maybe once I’m done trying to keep The East Pacific’s legislators in line…”
“I’ll say, anything’s better than a political career, so if ever you wish to return…”
A nod from the Provost cuts her off. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Tazuna straightens herself. “All of this to say, thank you for your interest in our Umamusume. We hope to see you back here at Tracen Academy very soon.”
“Thank you for having me,” the Provost replies, beginning to outstretch his hand for a handshake before realizing that a bow would be more culturally appropriate. Tazuna giggles at this unfortunate mishap before returning the gesture, and the two disperse shortly thereafter.
Slightly disoriented from the experience, AC begins to search for an exit. No… it’s not this way… not this way either… where the hell am I? He turns around to retrace his steps, but before he can do so…
Thwack!
A burlap sack envelops the Provost, quickly taking away his vision and much of his air supply as he is flipped over and taken away, the bag being tied from above in the process.
To be continued…
“…and that’s how I got abducted in broad daylight in the middle of an athletic academy in Tokyo,” the Provost grins, having gone on quite the tirade on the debate stage. The debate moderators, employed by EPNS, look stunned, as do many of the candidates.
Aivintis, one of the debate moderators, sighs, turning to his colleague, Sammy. “Is he too young to be put in a home?”
“I would hope not,” Sammy responds, the exhaustion visible in his expression. “He’s gone on many rants in the past, but I think this one takes the cake.”
Aivintis meets the tired gaze of his contemporary. “I would have to agree with you, Sammy.”
The pair straighten themselves as Sammy prepares his next question for Tommo.
Meta Commentary
Based off of the hit Umamusume franchise by Cygames and whoever the hell did the anime
Shoutout NS Gamble (formerly TEP Gamble) club on Umamusume: Pretty Derby mobile game (global edition)
If it wasn’t obvious this isn’t a serious run for the Delegacy
Umazing!