[spoiler]Greetings from the wonderful people of Absurdistan!
Our friendly nation is taking requests from other nations for diplomatic recognition and embassy exchanges. We also have some great deals to let you know about. If you exchange embassies now, we will include complimentary frequent flier points to fly Absurdvani Air! Absurdvani Air is one of Urth’s premier airliners, where you are treated in the most esteemed fashion. Included in flight is a full buffet, private massage rooms, a fully stocked bar and dance floor, and an indoor skate park. There really is no better way for your diplomats to travel, so the time to engage with our nation is now!
*standard airfare and ticketing rates apply, frequent flier points shall not exceed 1/79th of the total cost of airfare, Absurdvani Air is not responsible for any injuries while using its in-flight services.
“Absurdvani Air, why fly when you can soar?”
Abusrdistan country facts, as sponsored by Absurdvani Air:
[ul]
[li]Size: 7,650 square kilometers
[li]Population: 2,750,000 Absurdvanis
[li]GDP: 178,000,000,000 kirib
[li]Number of airports: 14
[li]Country founding date: 02 May 2006
[li]Absurdvani Air founding: 31 May 2006
[li]Annual passenger traffic on airline: 4,542,100
[li]Important industries: Air travel, air transportation, complex machinery and aviation manufacturing, fine leather seating production, jet fuel refinement
[li]Number of cultural landmarks in Absurdistan: 7 (all are within 20 miles of a major airport)
[/li][/ul]
*A note about Absurdistan, as required by law and by decree of the Foreign Minister’s Office:
[spoiler]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, Absurdvani Air controls the government.
[/spoiler]
Please submit all requests addressed to Absurdvani Air Office of Absurdistan’s Government. Our representatives are happy to take your communication, and a reply will be forthcoming.
Flag of Absurdistan, with Absurdvani Air addition
[/spoiler]
Hail fellow!
Come and rest ye weary bones at Ye Old Coffee Shop, Coffief, where We Always Serve a Noble Brew. 'Tis is the location where ye request treaties and alliances with our humble fiefdom of Absurdistan. Our minstrel will sing ye a tale of Absurdistan:
The fairest maidens in all the land,
Are in tried and true Absurdistan.
All who seek peace are always welcome,
We will house ye, the truest travelers.
Request ye pacts of non-aggression,
royal weddings have our attention.
Our merchants and guilds require goods,
barter and trade for thy livelihood.
Finally, our coffee is heavenly,
missing out would be a catastrophe!
Coffief is Absurdistan’s most grandiose and impressive coffee experience, where ye are transported back into Medieval times, and ye baristas know all the folk songs to make ye yearn for the good ole’ years.
Abusrdistan fiefdom facts, as told by Coffief:
[ul]
[li]Size: 7,650 square kilometres
[li]Population: 2,750,000 Absurdvanis
[li]GDP: 178,000,000,000 kirib
[li]Coffiefs per square kilometre: 2
[li]Country founding date: 02 May 2006
[li]Coffief import partners: Free Syllvin, Furnifold, Kaeliv
[li]Months Coffief baristas train for: 8
[li]Important industries: retail services, logistics and transportation, food and beverage sales, Medieval Faires
[/li][/ul]
*A note about Absurdistan, as required by law and by decree of the Foreign Minister’s Office:
[spoiler]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, Coffief controls the government.
Ye are always welcome in Coffief and Absurdistan. Please send ye messengers to our offices in Absurdistan’s fiefdom, where we shall treat them with the dignity of a nobleman.
Flag of Absurdistan, with Coffief addition:
[/spoiler]
At first I was surprised to see this announcement from Absurdistan, then I clicked on the message and my mind was blown
[spoiler]Hey y’all!
Check it out, I’m Buzzy, and I’m the big person in charge of Absurdistan this month. I’m also the Coolest Executive Officer of MyLyfe, the dopest company in Absurdistan. You probably know us from our social media apps like Chirper (follow us @Absurdistan), our dating app Ember, and our image sharing site Rollr.
We’ve got some great things in store for you, but to get you hyped, lemme tell you about some of what Absurdistan’s got going on.
Trade deals? Yeah we got things here that you want, so let’s make a deal!
Embassy openings? We’ve got a huge supply of ping pong tables, yoga ball chairs, rolling computer stands, and tons of free thought breakout session rooms ready to go. And no cubicles either, it’s all open spaces here.
Diplomatic Relations? We’ll gladly get into a relationship with your country, so long as it’s consensual and enthusiastic! We care about that kind of thing over here.
Cultural exchanges? Heck yeah, we love other cultures. Diversity is very important, and we’d love to have you share your experiences!
Military alliances? No.
Here are some unbiased facts we want to tell you about our beautiful country:
Population: 2.75 million
GDP: 178 billion Kirib
100 percent of citizens have internet access
Number of Chirps per hour: 8,621
Percentage of connections from Ember resulting in relationships: 64
Number of ISPs in Absurdistan: 800
Percentage of population with smartphones: 71
We’re live streaming the government all month so you can always see what we’re up to, and feel free to Chirp with your thoughts with the hashtag #AbsListen. You can also follow us on Rollr, Quikpik, and ClipCatch
[spoiler=*A note about Absurdistan, as required by law and by decree of the Foreign Minister’s Office:]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, MyLyfe controls the government.[/spoiler]
Look, we don’t believe in flags here, Absurdistan is a society allowing free expression, and our flag can be very offensive to people who may have suffered under its reign. Here’s a blank white flag, and we’ll let your mind envision what is on it.
We hope to hear from you soon![/spoiler][/spoiler]
[spoiler]Welcome to the stakeholder’s meeting, so glad you could all make it. We’re working on getting the video teleconference (VTC) running.
Hello? Can you see us and hear us in VTC-land? Great, okay, then I think we should get this meeting started.
Obviously, you’re all here for the discussion of the Absurdvani account and its partner relations. How about we go around the room and introduce ourselves and who we represent, and then we can discuss specifics what we are doing here. I’ll start.
My name is Wallace Pointyboss, and I am the CEO of Total Business Solutions (Total BS). Total BS specializes in developing frameworks for corporate direction and multi-model networking progression. Our business model is simple and flexible; we use broad-level appeal to maximize productivity and impress shareholders. For the month of December, our leaders will also be managing the account of the nation of Absurdistan. We hope that in our time on the account, we motivate and influence the best pioneers in the community to compete in the global fast-paced market.
I’m here because I am soliciting your input on effective streamlining and facilitating of our corporate partners. Put simply, I want to cultivate a successful business relationship for the Absurdvani account. This can be achieved by networking and getting buy-in from our colleagues. We’ll be opening up this account for trade agreements as well as traditional brick-and-mortar mainstays, like embassy connections. We’ll also be differing from previous account managers in that we will consider engaging the military-industrial establishments, so if this intrigues you and your stakeholders, I will put you in contact with our military affairs department.
I know that you might not consider this account prime AAA investment of your resources, so let me give you some executive summaries that will outline what we are about. My intern will be passing out these summaries. She’ll be doing a Coffief run after passing these out, so feel free to give her your order. I can also have her make more copies if you wish to bring back extra briefs to your respective employment establishments.
Executive Brief of the Absurdistan Account
Population: 2.75 million
GDP: 178 billion Kirib
IT Systems engaged throughout the country: 84 percent
Re-solvency rate: 3 of every 1,000
Headquartered assets in country: 226,000
Expected rate of return: 3.9%
Investment productivity response: 700 capitalized in short-term, effectively tripled in long-term
So, in sum, take a look at our offerings, and consider the Absurdistan account as a potential venture that has a high rate of profitability of credit. Again, my name is Wallace Pointyboss, and I am the CEO of Total BS and current Account Manager of Absurdistan.
Okay, now that my introduction and welcome is out of the way, I want to hear from you. This also extends out to you in VTC-land. Just to reiterate, please comment with an introduction, which account or fund you represent, and what you desire out of the Absurdistan account.
*A note about Absurdistan, as required by law and by decree of the Foreign Minister’s Office:
[spoiler]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, Total Business Solutions controls the government.[/spoiler]
Flag of Absurdistan, with Total BS addition:
[spoiler]Benvenuto! Welcome to Arrivederci’s Cleaners!
We’re a close family-run business that helps our family out. Apply to be one of us, and we’ll handle all your cleaning needs. You gotta mess in your bedroom you needa to get rid of? We’re on it. We’re in the problem-solving business too, so you gotta problem that won’t go away, we can fix it for ya. Cleaning, taking out the trash, whatever youse think of, we’ll handle it. We’re efficient, fast, and you’ll like us more than your Nonna’s rigatoni, and that’s sayin something! And this month, we’re in charge of Absurdistan! The Don of the family, and the CEO of Arrivederci’s Cleaners, Nicolo Tessio, gave us this message to send to youse:
We’ve got an offer youse can’t refuse over here. Let’s get into an accord with youse over trades. You scratch my back, the family looks out for yours, capisce? We’re gonna need to get your business over here in Absurdistan, to be close to the family and our cleaning service. Youse needs to ask for an embassy for that, yenno? Finally, the family, we look out for each other. If youse has a problem, the family has a problem. Our cleaners handle most of our problems, but they’re not the Virgin Mary; they can’t do everything. So let’s stick together, one problem becomes both our problems, understand? Our businesses are gonna thrive if youse stick with us. What other businesses am I talkin about? Fuggedaboutit.
Here’s to a successful union. Talk to my Consigliere, Tiny DiLorenzo, about getting our families together.
Signed,
Nicolo Tessio
CEO of Arrivederci’s Cleaners, LLC, and Don of Absurdistan
*A note about Absurdistan, as required by law and by decree of the Foreign Minister’s Office:
[spoiler]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, Arrivederci’s Cleaners, LLC controls the government.[/spoiler]
Flag of Absurdistan, with Arrivederci’s Cleaners addition:
[/spoiler]
Finally, the real people are in charge, and we’re going to fix this place!
Welcome to Absurdistan, as controlled by pop punk record label FBI (Full Baccalaureate Induction ceremony). I’m the person who was forced to be in charge, Brie Dupree. You probably don’t recognize our label; w’re so deep underground here, we’re mainstream in Tretrid. But we’ve been a fixture of the pop punk scene in Absurdistan for almost ten years now; with current and former acts on our label like THSLVC, My Constant Remembering, Finally… the Truth is Out, and Gene Spurlock. I even used to be in a band, before being forced to manage FBI, so I have a lot of cred built up (before it all got shattered by becoming the man, man).
Our main office is in my parent’s basement, because even though we write about hating our parents, the truth is that we love them and wouldn’t be here without them. Also I’m here because Grand Fenwick sucks and my parents are located way outside the main city. I hate this town. We all hate this town. Contact me or my Bassist-now-Assistant (that’s his job title), Kyle Stoner if you want your label to set up shop in Absurdistan and my parent’s basement. We’ve got enough room to crash on the couch down here, don’t worry about taking up space. If your label wants to be friends (true friends) with us, put that in your request. If you want to share acts with Absurdistan, we’re cool with that too. But don’t trash our instruments, and we’re not going to help you trash yours.
Here’s what’s rad about Absurdistan:
Population: 2.76 million
GDP: 181 billion kirib
Number of underground venues in Absurdistan: countless
Number of pizza-delivery places: 400
My actual true friends: 2
The people who love me: loads
Again, if you want to hang with us, contact me or my Bassist-now-Assistant, and we’ll get you hooked up with all the gear Absurdistan provides. Peace!
Brie Dupree of FBI
[spoiler]Absurdistan is controlled by 12 of the most profitable corporations in the country. In return for funding the government, each month one nation is able to enact whatever policy it wishes.
This month, Full Baccalaureate Induction ceremony (FBI) controls the government.[/spoiler]
Flag of Absurdistan, with FBI addition:
