Lionelville News Network

News Broadcasts
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LIONELVILLE (LNN) - Superintendent F.X. Ellison has denounced the planned neo-Nazi rally to be held in the capital. In his weekly press conference, he stated: “We fought Nazism seventy years ago, and want nothing to do with anyone who honors the enemies of humanity. This proposed rally is a disgrace to all that we stand for, and to those who died to keep the world free. Nazi sympathizers may express their opinions, but the rest of us may also do so in reply.”

Lionelville Chief of Police Desi McGillicuddy said that while the Nazi rally will not be prohibited due to the RRLW’s constitutional guarantees of free speech and freedom of assembly, no provocations or violence would be tolerated. “We will keep a close watch on the demonstrators and counter-demonstrators.”

Rabbi Tevye Aleichem of Temple B’nai Whistlestop in Lionelville announced a counter-demonstration to be held across the street, on the grounds of Howell Day Memorial High School. Speakers committed to attend include Superintendent Ellison, World War II veterans and several Holocaust survivors. Given the small number of neo-Nazis believed to be in the RRLW, it is anticipated that the counter-demonstrators will outnumber the demonstrators at least ten thousand to one.

The Omaha Southern Railroad, Sunset Valley Railroad, Gorre & Daphetid, Alturas & Lone Pine Railroad, Delta Lines, Lionel Lines, Lionelville Traction Company and the Lehigh Valley Railroad have all announced they will be decorating locomotives and passenger equipment with Stars of David and menorahs in protest of the rally, and those objecting will be put off the trains and their fares refunded. It is believed that this will depress attendance at the rally.

In other news at the press conference, Ellison announced his support of the proposed treaty renegotiations between TEP and Lazarus, and said that when the new treaty was completed he would ask the Board of Railroad Commissioners to endorse it as a gesture of solidarity with TEP. Chairman of the Board Whit T. Sperandeo has indicated that any endorsement resolution would likely pass unanimously, “unless something weird is inserted at the last minute, but that doesn’t seem like anything either region would do.”

LIONELVILLE (LNN) - New special tourist rail fares in honor of the RRLW’s entry into The East Pacific (TEP), and the opening of rail interchanges with several countries belonging to TEP, have resulted in increased tourism in the very first day they took effect.

LIONELVILLE (LNN) - The Board of Railroad Commissioners has passed a resolution declaring November 22 “Doctor Who Day”. It was immediately signed by Superintendent F.X. Ellison.

OLYMPIA, WASHINGTON, USA (TSOPC) - The Washington Department of Wildlife, responding to reports of a bear wandering through bedroom communities in the Cascades foothills, set traps to catch the bear using donuts and beer.

Game wardens caught Homer Simpson.

The Lionelville News Network: dedicated, straightforward [nation=Linn Westcott]Linn Westcott [/nation]news!

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LIONELVILLE (LNN) - An attempt to desecrate the annual lighting of the Hanukkah menorah in Lionelville Square was foiled by outraged citizens. Two neo-Nazis were taken into custody by Lionelville police.

Shortly before the ceremony began, two men carrying suspicious-looking containers ran at the menorah. According to several witnesses, one of them shouted “Heil Hitler” and prepared to throw his container. At this point, Ephraim Styles, 91, a member of the Bluebird Honor Flight of World War II LWAF veterans, threw himself in front of the man, who fell. Other bystanders grabbed the second man.

The first candle on the giant menorah was lit on schedule by Tobias Greenbaum, 5, of New Detroit, and Lisa David, 6, of Lionelville.

Police took the two men into custody, Pernell Westerly, 26, and Walter “Boy Howdy” Peiper, 30. Both were charged with disorderly conduct, attempted vandalism and conspiracy to commit hate crimes. They have posted bail and have been released pending trial. Neither was available for comment.

Styles suffered cuts and severe bruises, and was admitted overnight to DeBakey Memorial Hospital for observation. He is listed in “good” condition.

“I couldn’t let that jerk get away with that Hitler crap,” Styles said. “I thought he had a bomb or something. Good thing it wasn’t. People could’ve been killed. Somebody told me it was blood. Who the hell would do a thing like that?”

According to police, the containers were filled with pig blood. “This was clearly an attempt to desecrate the menorah and the ceremony,” Lionelville Chief of Police Desi McGillicuddy said. “Everybody knows that pigs are unclean animals in the Jewish faith. Ephraim Styles should get a medal for stopping them. I heard he’s going to be all right.”

Citizens have been making small donations of cash to support Styles’s recovery from his injuries, and the Bank of New Detroit has set up an account to hold them. The Omaha Southern Railroad announced that it would pay all of Styles’s medical bills.

LWAF historical records show that Styles flew P-47 Thunderbolts as a member of the 17th “Bluebird” Squadron of the LWAF, which was attached to the U.S. 12th Air Force in Italy during 1944 and 1945. He is credited with two German planes shot down as well as several tanks and anti-aircraft emplacements, receiving the Black Diamond, First Class and a wound badge with star. Styles was a lieutenant colonel in the LWAF when he left the service following the end of World War II.

The attempted attack on the menorah follows an unsuccessful neo-Nazi rally last week which was attended by four participants, twenty policemen on guard against violence and the pool reporter who had drawn the short straw. It is not known if the attempted attack was planned at the rally. A counter-rally across the street drew an estimated 50,000.

South Manchester (LNN) - Thanksgiving this year has been especially festive, thanks to the recent entry of the RRLW into The East Pacific.

Not only have exports of live bluebirds gone up after the new trade treaties were signed and agricultural export inspection stations built, but the Shotz Soft Drink division of the Shotz Brewery & Bottling Co. announced that exports of their products, including Ante-Up Cola, Dr. Spicy, Limolima and Moxie, are on the rise.

One sign of the new prosperity is that homes and storefronts are being refurbished all over the route of the Franklin & South Manchester Railroad. The railroad itself has placed an order for 500 new refrigerator cars.

Meanwhile, new imports include caek, pi, new kinds of fish, artisanal breads, pi-caek and fish-caeks, all of which are finding their way onto tables all over Linn Westcott.

NEW DETROIT (LNN) - The Linn Westcott Orange Growers Association has filed a request in District Court for an injunction against YouTubeLW, claiming that The Annoying Orange channel defames their product.

“Oranges are getting a bad reputation because of these stupid alleged programs,” said LWOGA spokesperson Tammy Bryant. “That translates into fewer people buying oranges and orange juice, and that means less money spent at grocery stores and fewer rail shipments of oranges and juice, too.”

Bryant said that cease-and-desist letters to The Annoying Orange, YouTube in the United States and Cartoon Network have been ignored. Cartoon Network has produced a program based on the YouTube channel.

Geordi Petrocelli, legal counsel for YouTubeLW, issued this statement: “YouTubeLW denied the cease-and-desist request made by the Orange Growers Association on free-speech grounds. There is no evidence that The Annoying Orange has any effect on sales of oranges, orange juice, orange soda or any other orange-related products. This is a nuisance lawsuit intended to generate publicity, nothing more.”

A spokesfruit for The Annoying Orange had no comment. The Annoying Orange features characters based on fruits and vegetables, with facial animations superimposed.

The LWOGA has not announced whether it will pursue additional lawsuits against The Annoying Orange, YouTube and Cartoon Network in the United States.

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NEW DETROIT (LNN) - The Shotz Brewery and Bottling Company has entered an amicus curiae brief in District Court in support of the Linn Westcott Orange Growers Association suit against YouTubeLW.

Shotz spokesperson Shirley Feeney said, “Aren’t you annoyed by The Annoying Orange? I am. And if enough people get annoyed, they may start getting annoyed with all oranges, and then people won’t buy Shotz’s Orange Delightful soda. With Linn Westcott’s soda factories among the top ten percent of all nations in The East Pacific, that spells economic trouble. To show our support for the Orange Growers Association, Shotz will be giving away free samples of Orange Delightful at convenience stores and supermarkets all over Linn Westcott.”

YouTubeLW issued the following statement: “We think The Annoying Orange is annoying, too, but free speech is more important. You want to help the orange growers? Eat more oranges. They’re good for you.”

LIONELVILLE (LNN) - Due to the increased noise from trains, mining, auto racing and heavy metal music, Commissioner John “Wizard” Allen said he would introduce noise abatement legislation before the Board of Railroad Commissioners.

“Hey, we all love the sound of trains in the morning, but things are getting out of hand,” Allen said. “And it’s drowning out the bluebirds. Say, has anyone noticed there are a lot fewer bluebirds out there lately?”

Chairman of the Board Whit Sperandeo reserved comment because he had not yet seen the proposed law.

The Lionellville News Network: dedicated, straightforward [nation=Linn Westcott]Linn Westcott [/nation]news!

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LIONELVILLE (LNN) - Following an 86.4 percent vote in a special referendum and a unanimous vote of the Board of Railroad Commissioners, the Railroad Republic of Linn Westcott has determined to withdraw from the world community and will close its borders effective January 1, 2014. The RRLW has already resigned from the World Assembly as a first step.

Arrangements are already underway to accommodate travelers and businessmen that might be stranded on either side of the border, and for the closure of embassies and repatriation of diplomats.

No one in the government had any further comment.

OOC: The more I learn of the underpinnings of NationStates, the less interested I am. It would take far more time and effort than I have available to accumulate the necessary knowledge and respect needed to deal with it. Apparently bullying and vandalism is tolerated because “raiding is built into the system”, and while the current situation represents a fatal imbalance exploited by those who are only interested in gaming the system and not in playing the game, genuine outrage is not tolerated, and nobody seems to want to do anything beyond wringing one’s hands. This is not the only problem I have with NS, but it is the most glaring. I want to thank all of you in TEP for your kind welcome, your support and the fun that I had. You are good people. The RRLW is going to go CTE, however, and since I have no other nations or puppets, this means goodbye.

Phil