Sitting on the bed of her assigned bedchamber, Ikrisia gazed out toward the city. How ironic that it was eleven pm, yet Ye’leli barely missed a beat. People were still outside, even some shops within the marketplace they passed on the way back toward the governmental center were still open, no doubt. It was an interesting medley, at least, a conglomeration of different cultures gave the city its own unique flavor, something that was highly lacking in her Vekaiyu. Still, it was probably a better place to visit than live in. Listonia, for what she knew, was still unstable, and with the variety of religions, backgrounds, and cultures, everyone seemed to be waiting for the state to deteriorate, but it didn’t.
Suddenly, she heard the door open. “Hello?” she inquired.
“Is there anything you need before you retire to sleep?” Evesuni asked. He stepped back when he noticed Ikrisia was wearing only a simple striped dressing gown, as if he was impeding.
“No, I’ll be fine.” She motioned for him to come closer, to which the Listonian dictator responded by walking slowly closer to her. “Have you lived in Listonia all your life?”
Evesuni grimaced as he braced another round of potential questions. “Yes, I have.”
“How does it work? You know, all the cultures not hating each other.”
He paused. “When people suffer together, it brings them closer together. It’s not a vulpine emotion, nor is it solely a human one. Present a big enough problem, and people will attempt to find the answer, even if it means dropping their pride and their favoritism for at least a passing moment. It’s reason why Listonia remains undivided.”
“Will it always remain undivided? I mean, your opinion, of course.”
He shrugged. “I can’t control that. One day I’ll be dead, and someone else will have to run the nation. If he or she does a bad job, the nation will dissolve. If he or she keeps things running well, the nation will respond with harmony. One thing that must not be forgotten is the past. Once the past is forgotten, all that struggle and unity, all is lost. Because then people will forget what we fought for, and that will be the death of this nation.”
“Does that scare you?”
“I don’t get scared.”
“That’s a bull-headed response. Everyone gets scared. Everyone’s scared of something, but it doesn’t have to be out of fear. It can be out of worry too.”
He sighed. “It is dangerous to get involved in such conversations when the two speakers hold different positions of power.”
“It’s off the table, don’t worry about it. I’m not malevolent. Do you fear one day Listonia will dissolve and divide?”
Stapen put his hands on his knees as he sat down next to her on the bed. He faced forward, however, keeping the conversation impersonal. “I gave nearly thirty years of my life for this nation. But it wasn’t a nation then, it was a state of mind. A dream, if you will. To allow a group of people to live as they want to live. There’s beauty in that. We, being the beings we are, strive toward beauty. And I’ve known nothing more beautiful than unity.”
“Do you regret any of it?”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“If you could change anything, would you have changed it?” She watched as Evesuni looked to the floor.
“Of course.”
“Like?”
“Is this really necessary?”
“To me, it is. So yeah. It’s necessary.”
“Your pestering is persistent.” He sighed. “I wish I would’ve protected my family better. There, is that what you wanted to hear? I don’t hide my imperfections like some leaders do, but I’d rather not be reminded of such shortcomings again and again.”
“Relax. I only want to know.”
“Why? Why do you want to know? Your whole attitude is unusual. Your demeanor toward me is even more bizzare. So what is it? Why do you come here only to pester me, dangle in front of me what I want and then turn it into a game? Do you understand how frustrating that is?”
Ikrisia ran a tongue across her teeth as she looked to the floor. “I’m sorry.”
“Now, what is it? What can I do to stop this barrage of questions and bring my nation closer to that corridor?”
Ikrisia paused. “What was her name?”
“Who’s name?”
“The name of your daughter.”
Stapen sighed angrily. “You’re not going to give this up, are you? You have some preconceived notion that somehow we’re related. Pretending to be my daughter, all in an attempt to absorb my nation!”
“I don’t care about your goddamned nation!” She paused. “I mean, I don’t want it. I want to know if its possible, but you don’t let me get close to find out!”
“Why should I? Where in this book of life does it say I have to entertain such things?”
“Because you cared once, you loved once. I can see it in you!”
“You see nothing! You know nothing!”
“You’ve made yourself cold so you can feel nothing. You can’t accept the fact that there could be someone out there who is related to you, who is a part of your family and your own flesh and blood. Someone who complicates matters, who perhaps needs you just as much as you need her.”
Evesuni closed his eyes in frustration as he rubbed his forehead. “Alright. Alright, you’re so hellbent on being my own flesh and blood, then prove it. Prove you’re my daughter, and I’ll consider it.”
“Consider it? You really do have a heart of stone!”
“My offer still stands.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want to know now. I don’t know if I want to be related to an unfeeling creature such as yourself.”
“Good.”
The two sat on the bed for what seemed like hours, but probably was only minutes. Ikrisia occasionally glanced at Evesuni, but he remained defiant, facing forward with a stare that seemed to go passed the wall roughly ten feet in front of them. It was awkward, but somehow, some way, one had to break.
“What was her name? The name of your daugter.”
“The name escapes me.”
“You mean you don’t remember?”
“I said the name escapes me.”
“Why can’t you let me find this out? Don’t you believe me when I say there’s no tricks to this? I just want to know. I’ve never had a family before. You had a crappy family, but at least you had one. Someone to relate to, to see what they did and what you wanted to do differently. I never had that chance, you know, the ability to learn from a parent. I was raised by unfeeling and malevolent… people. You at least had a mother. And when you ran away, you found someone else who would relate to you. No one gets married by choice to someone they don’t have feelings for. And no child that comes from such a situation is unloved. There was a time when you did care about such things. Now you’re just a bitter, aging man. Is it really worth it to be bitter? To keep hiding and holding onto your faded relics, refusing anyone to get too close? To never hope for something greater than what you once felt or believed in? To live in the past and let everything else pass you by?”
Evesuni turned to stare at her. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“I don’t believe you when you say you don’t want my nation. My greatest worry is losing that. I lost my family, and my nation became my family. It’s why I’ll eventually die from smoking. If you’re so concerned with families, you’ll understand that.”
“If you’re so worried about me, then how come you haven’t smoked since I’ve arrived in Listonia?” She watched as his eyes moved back to the floor. “I don’t want your nation. I just want to know. Is that so wrong? Please? When someone comes to you in an honest way, do you throw them out into the cold?”
Stapen stared at his hands as she spoke. The rubbed-off and ripped off patches of fur exposed newer wrinkles he wasn’t aware of before. Spots. Protruding veins. blood pooling on one knuckle from when he pounded a fist on his desk earlier in the day. He was old. He hated thinking that way, but if he wasn’t old by age, he was old by mind and body. The stresses of running a nation combined with the detrimental effects of smoking, turning him into something more ugly than he was supposed to be. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. I didn’t want this to happen.” He paused as Ikrisia watched him. “Why do you want a father?”
“I want to know there’s someone out there who’s like me,” she said as she wiped her cheek. “I want to know I’m not alone.”
Evesuni looked down, then up at her. “But, do you really want that person to be me?”
She nodded. “Because I know you cared enough to listen. You have a family that’s millions of people long. Would one more really hurt?”
“But if I’m not, then. Then you’d be setting yourself up for more pain.”
“At least I’ll know. It’s better to know it’s not true than live the rest of your life thinking of what could’ve been.”
“And if you are? Then what?”
“Then I’ll finally have a father. And you’ll have a daughter. And if that’s all it can be, that’s all it will have to be.” She reached out and touched the bare spot of his hand, resting her palm on it. “But at least we’ll know.”
With a slight grimace, Evesuni exhaled a deep sigh from his nose. “Her name was Ikrisia. My wife always wanted to have a girl, so I let her to choose the name. She said she saw it in her eyes, blue like water. And Ikrisia was a name she thought sounded like the water that flowed in a stream next to where we lived. She loved that stream, because she loved birds and birds would always flock there. She loved our daughter too. And so did I.”
She smiled slightly as she wiped her cheeks. “I… always hated my blue eyes because they made me look too soft.”
“You shouldn’t be ashamed of them. They are good eyes. My wife had eyes like those. Well, not as crystal-like, but they were blue.” He paused as he let out another sigh.
“Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.”
“Do you… think I’m your daughter?”
He looked at her, then shut his eyes and gave a slight nod. “I can’t say otherwise. I can’t say a lot of things right now.” He stood up and walked away from the bed, toward the doorway, his shoes making a crisp sound as they clacked against the tiled floor.
“Hey… dad?” She waited until Stapen turned to her. She felt like asking him to stay, but figured a simple acknowledgment was good enough for the time being. At least he was being more receptive, perhaps even understanding. “Goodnight.” She watched as he gave another slight nod, then headed toward the exit.