Okay so like I said, support in principle, but I’d like to see some tweaks. First of all, length. Way too long. We shouldn’t be talking about every single thing Altys has done – we don’t even do that in SC Commendations. This was actually a discussion you and I had over Merlo’s OGO nomination that we want to make sure we’re centering the important stuff.
Altys was, like you said, a very solid Minister of Culture. That is not why he should receive an OGO, though. I would strike that entirely. Maybe keep the first sentence after “Let’s begin our tale” (which I don’t like, itself, btw). The third substantial paragraph is great context, but probably better as two short sentences as a part of the background.
The line “But that was not the path Altys chose, and what he did next (…) truly makes him worthy of this Order” basically makes my point for me. Altys had a great career prior to 2023, yes, I don’t deny that. But his 2023 career is so good that putting it at the same level as his past work does him a disservice.
The “For a time wherein the East” paragraph is perfect, I’d keep that exactly the way it is. The Lausanne paragraph, also very good, maybe could be shorter. “But Altys” – sure, yes. “As Delegate” – okay here’s my next concern. This is worth a line in the OGO, IMO, buuuut I don’t think spending half a paragraph explaining and then another half-paragraph citing a longform analysis explaining the situation is worth the character space. The sentiment could be conveyed much more briefly, and it would be easier to read. If they want the longer form, they can see my UTEP work (shameless plug, I know).
ANAL is great, but maybe a little shorter, and folded into the Lausanne section on FA. The fluff around “But in these days” could be cut and Altys has already spoken on the bot side of things. The conclusion paragraph could be cut. Overall I just don’t think a page-long narrative is the best way of doing this. A couple paragraphs briefly highlighting the best things he’s done is fine, I think.
If we do want to do this, it should only be accompanied by the amendment of all past OGOs because it’s unfair to suggest that 2023’s great heroes are better than 2020’s great heroes by virtue of devoting more time and effort to honoring them. It should be a systemic effort to reform OGO formatting and style or we should follow the existing format with minor tweaks and extensions across the years.
