Secular News Central - News Approved by the Meagharian General Staff

News Broadcasts
1


May 10, 2020 2200 Hours
“Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am pleased to announce to you the conclusion to our first GENERAL election, excuse my little joke, has concluded with our Grand Marshal Nathaniel O’Fahr succeeding in winning 150 of the 250 available general assembly seats for the Unity Party. The Grand Marshal has announced a bold new plan to bring Our Republic up to the full industrial power of the other nations of the world in only 5 years. I for one am confident in his ability to bring Our Great and most Secular Republic into the sun! Secondly the adorable young war hero Mary Mckinley and her fellow Child-Comrades in the Innocence Party. These little scamps want to set up services to help our nations Underage Comrade-Veterans ‘Regain their Innocence’. They managed to get 50 Centurions elected and i hope we see more of them in the future. Sigh I would be remiss in my duties as a Newscaster Corporal if i didn’t mention Spadlin O’Perre and his ‘Radical Party’. This Party has been influenced by literature outside of Father Meaghar’s Path To Unity regarding nuances of class that have not yet been demonstrated to exist within Meagharia. Thats the news for tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!”


May 19, 2020 1900 Hours
“Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am pleased to announce that the rebuilding of Our Great and Most Secular Republic already seems to be destined for a historic success, with two other Great Nations helping us to succeed! To start the Kingdom of Tretrid has seen Our Great and Most Secular Republic’s obvious potential and has chosen to fund a program called the Meagharian Development Program or the MDP to assist with Grand Marshal O’Fahr’s 5 year effort! They will do this by investing in our economy and assisting in rebuilding the most important industries. In other news the Hilarious King Eldras of Alksearia has established the King Eldras Foundation to help our Comrade-Soldiers recover from the horrors inflicted upon them by the Theist Dogs by sending psychiatrists to help diminish Shell Shock. While Alksearia is unfortunately tolerant of Theism they have put in measures to ensure that this will not influence our Comrade-Soldiers. This program has received praise from the intelligent and adorable Mary Mckinley who said of the program ‘This is an important step towards healing the psychological issues that have been caused by our nations bloody history.’ Isn’t she cute? Predictably these programs were opposed by the…unruly… Centurion Spadlin O’Perre who said ‘These programs are nothing but Imperialist Tricks by theists exactly like the ones that we spent 40 years shedding blood sweat and tears fighting’. Clearly someone has some…interesting views on how a nation is supposed to rebuild. Anyway, Thats the news for tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!”

2


August 26, 2020 1900 Hours

"Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am pleased to announce to you that Milseáin Trodaí, the beloved Sweets corporation that brings so much happiness with our daily rations, with their chocolate and other products has responded to claims that their products have origin within the Theist Acronian Empire with clear evidence that these scandalous claims are nothing but lies, perpetuated by theists to harm the Morale of all Meagharians. They opened a tour for me and some of my…colleagues…within the Meagahrian media of one of their classified facilities. You can see me on the newsreels touring those fields preceding the fantastic film “I Married a Theist!” with my Comrade-Cousin Jack O’Ratigan in a supporting role. The facility has still remained classified to prevent any sabotage by secret theists but we hope that this nonsense is put to rest.

In Other news, the Vile Theist Acronian Empire has earlier today put forward an absolutely ghastly ordinance. They have removed all restrictions on the hunting of whales and other cetaceans in a supposed effort to “Accommodate the Rodokan Culture”. This truly shows the lack of moral character within the theist mind, a disregard for life and the environment that is the true color of the religious person. In the mere desire for profit they have sentenced some of the most majestic martial creatures on this Urth to be slaughtered. Well I say that we should not tolerate this crime! The Whales of the world are truly our allies in the eternal battle against superstition, as they are persecuted by Akronist harpoons. I know straight from the General Staff that this great nation would never put forward such an evil ordinance, showing the true moral superiority of Secularism.

Thats the news for tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"

3

August 22, 2020 CE
Bealtine 28, 40 BA
1500 Hours

"Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am afraid that I will have to announce some worrying news. Today the Benevolent King Eldras VI who has but in so much effort to help improve the psychological condition of Meagharian Veterans, has gone missing. There is very little information currently available but even with that it is very clear who is blame. The King disappeared after going to an unspecified and secretive meeting with the Embassy of Asendavia. To anyone with common sense the implication is obvious. While the motivation is unclear there is no other explanation. The actions of theocratic states are often unpredictable, which is why they must be opposed so strongly. More information will undoubtedly come out soon.

Thats the news for now. I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"

4


October 16th 2020 CE
Scithe 10, 40 BA

“Hail Comrade-Soldiers. I must be honest with you today, today I am quite simply enraged. Today King Eldras VI was executed by the ballistrians. There is likely not a single meagharian who does not know of the good work that King Eldras has done in our nation. His foundation has sent and trained people who are able to heal the great mental scars that still plague many of our comrade soldiers. A great psychiatric hospital in the capital was under construction, being built partially with the help of his foundation. And now is dead. This great man, who brought nothing but kindness, happiness, and joy into the world has been murdered by the Theist Cabal of Ballistria. Our government had planned to give the honors to the King upon the completion of the hospital but now that he has definitively not lived to see it we shall announce the honor now. Sniffle By the order of the Grand Marshal of the Secular Republic of Meagharia, King Eldras VI is awarded with the highest honor that the Meagharian state can give, the Order of the Golden Phoenix. We shall arrange for it to be received by the Alksearian government as soon as possible. But what we can do now, is gain our vengeance. The Meagharian state calls upon every comrade-soldier who can to take up arms, and volunteer to fight the killers of our benefactor. Thats the news for tonight. I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff.”

5


October 20th 2020 CE
Scithe 14, 40 BA
1900 Hours

"Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am pleased to inform you of the departure of the new Lambs Brigade, After two days of petitioning the young soldiers who fought so bravely in the civil war are returning to battle! Soon they shall be in battle to gain vengeance for Eldras VI, a man who so kindly helped provide many of these children with psychological comfort. And in a stirring speech, Colonel Brigid Aodha perfectly articulated a vision of her generation, and the unique place that they will hold in our nations future. This reporter hopes for the best of luck for these brave children both in the war, and in the bright future they surely foretell for Meagharia.

On a related issue, the Archbishop of the vile theist institution known as the ‘Church of Xaethos’ has denounced the oncoming war, despite the fact that the king of her nation was murdered by the government of Balistria. Though she has not been declared as such by the government of Alksearia, it is the position of this program that she is essentially a traitor to her nation. If this was not appalling enough, she then goes on to make a most appaling suggestion, suggesting that so called ‘Missionary Psychologists’ be sent to Meagharia. The intention of these remarks is clear, she wishes to initiate a theist plot, using the good scientific and secular work of the Late King’s foundation and using it to infect the nation’s youth with theism. This kind of theist infiltration into more honest institutions is not unexpected and must be constantly watched for, lest it overtake the good we work towards in the world.

Thats the news for tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail to Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"

6

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December 5th 2020 CE
Haoine 25, 40 BA
1900 Hours

"Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am pleased to deliver to you a story regarding the clear and obvious moral weakness of the Theist Acronian Empire. Yesterday it was announced by the Acronian Ministry of Defence that due to the deployment of the Acronian Ship Žavražan to Our Secular Comrades in Ni-Rao, where fighting between the cruel Imperialists and the noble Revolutionaries continues to rage, with the Imperialists being assisted by their Acronian Masters, their Crown Prince Otan will be relieved of his command. It seems that according to the Acronian Government they cannot allow their cRoWn pRiNcE to engage in some actual combat. To the rational mind this is clearly foolish, those that will become your leaders must both have discipline and experience, and yet they deprive their future king of battle experience. This truly shows the weakness within theism, they do not wish to have those with the experience of war in command of their nations. It is truly disgraceful.

What is next for the young prince? Well after giving the Prince a metal for exactly Zero acts of valor, or merit in combat, they will be giving Otan the position as the Acronian Ambassador to the LN. No wonder that a prince who pretended to be a soldier will now be acting as an ambassador through illegitimate right. It is the hope of this program that our Ambassador General Gratz O’Ratigan shows him the ‘respect’ that Otan deserves.

Thats the news for tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail to Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"

7


Meitheamh 25, 40 BA
January 11th, 2020 CE

“Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I am sad to say that due to events at 1400 hours today, this program has been forced to cancel our planned program on the Immense Success of the Reeducation Through Labor Facilities, Particularly the ones under the Milsean Trodai Corporation, due to Theist Incursion. Because of this High Admiral Jack O’Reddin has agreed to come on the program to discuss it with us to explain the situation.”

The High Admiral audibly clears his throat. “Thank You for having me Shannon. While these renovations were approved before Meagharia was widely known to exist, it is the opinion of the Naval Division that these renovations have been massively increased over the course of the last 2 years in response to our new position. This is for one Simple Reason, We pose a threat to their theistic hegemony. This island has been silent for more than 300 years giving them complete Naval Dominance over this region, as well as fishing and of course…Whaling Rights! Now that our nation is here they can no longer make those claims as our water is no longer basically Aqua Nullius. This has clearly bred massive resentment in the Acronian Empire.”

Shannon speaks again, with a grave tone in her voice. “What do you think this is leading to Your Excellency?”

O’Reddin lets out a cough. “The Implications are Grave Indeed Sharon. The Doubling of the capability of this facility would be bad enough on its own, but there are two things that lead me to feel massive worry about this. One, In a clear threatening statement, it has been said that the possibility of NUCLEAR WEAPONRY being stationed at the base in future has not been ruled out. This demonstrates a clear willingness to use Nuclear Force against the innocent people of Meagharia. The GLF has not ruled out the possibility of there ALREADY being nuclear material at the base, pointed right at the Population of Meagharia.”

Shannon begins speaking again. “That is terrifying news for a multitude of reasons. The idea that the Acronian Empire might have hostile intent against us is something every Meagharian has reason to be concerned about. But are we certain that they are actively planning something?”

The High Admiral speaks in an ominous tone “Even without what I am about to say it would be more than reasonable to suspect that from such Theist Vermin, In the speech by an Acronian Spokesman today, there was a clear reference to the Acronian-Milofite War. Now, while us intelligent Secularists know that there is no comparing the current Administration of this Island to the Milofite Barbarians who once ruled over our people with an Iron Fist, the Akornists in that Vile Empire, see our Glorious Secular Republic as the heir to that horrific Government. It is the opinion of this administration that this new base on Kanor could be, in fact is very likely to be THE STAGING GROUND FOR A POTENTIAL ACRONIAN INVASION! WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT COMRADE-SOLDIERS! OR THIS FAIR ISLE SHALL ONCE MORE FALL UNDER THEIST TYRRANY!!!”

Shannon O’Ratigan responds calmly. “Thank you for sharing this important information with us your excellency!”

After several coughs Jack speaks again. “It is my Duty, thank you for having me Shannon.”

“You Heard the Admiral! Stay Vigilant Comrade Soldiers! You never know who could be an Acronian Spy! Thats the News for Tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail to Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!”

8

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Meitheamh 33, 40 BA
January 19, 2020 CE
1900 Hours

“Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today our worst fears about the Acronian Empire have been realized. Earlier today the Prime Minister of the Acronians confirmed that Acronis has developed nuclear weapons. After our piece on the expansion of the Kanor Naval Base last week a few misguided viewers accused this program of fear mongering, simply trying to instill fear in the population like a Fire and Brimstone Preacher. Even at the time these remarks were utter slander and libel, unsubstantiated and shortsighted. I hope that now those who took that position now see how wrong they were. No longer is the Acronian threat merely composed of conventional forces, invading our fair isle and raping and pillaging all they come across, now that Theistic State can at any time wipe out Our Great and Secular Republic in the blink of an eye! THEY WISH TO KILL US ALL IN A BLAZE OF ATOMIC FIRE!!! This new threat shows us one thing, we must build our strength, so that we may defend ourselves against the Apocalyptic Theist Threat! We must ensure that they will no longer be in a position to threaten us ever again! ALL HAIL TO OUR GREAT AND MOST SECULAR REPUBLIC!!! AND ALL HAIL THE GENERAL STAFF!!!”

9

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Márta 29th, 40 BA
February 20th, 40 BA
1900 Hours

"Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I have most… she sighs before continuing with mock enthusiasm Positive news for you all! Our Great and Most Secular Republic has signed a treaty, ensuring peace between our nation and the Tavari Empire! Despite initial concerns about the success of a diplomatic approach, concerns that I myself held, it seems that the negotiations have been deep groan wildly successful. The matter of largest concern, the presence of the nuclear weaponry on the Tavari-Occupied Kanor Islands, has been resolved, with a promise to keep nuclear weaponry off of the island, with regular inspections. In regard to our Comrade-Cetaceans, a new tribunal has been established, especially for those dastardly pirates who invade our waters! Upon their sentencing they will be thrown where they belong, a Meagharian Prison.

Of course this great accomplishment could not have been done without our talented Ambassador-General Gratz O’Ratigan, who managed to ensure that Meagharian demands were met to the letter! But of course some people are not appreciative of these gains made by one of the greatest military officers in all of Meagharia! Namely the Labor Cultists at Radical Meagharian Radio, who interrupted the only somewhat passable part of their station, their music, with a breaking news update decrying the ratification of the treaty. This shows the lack of patriotism on behalf of the socialist Radical Party, and the way in which they want to leave our Great and most Secular Republic isolated and hated!

Anyway,  Thats the News for Tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail to Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"

10

Márta 22, 41 BA
February 12. 2022 AD
1900 Hours

“Hail Comrade-Soldiers! Today I have some essential International News to share! Yesterday the nation of Axdel withdrew from the Puntalia Compromise Treaty, due to the Fascist state of Rodenia continuing their abuses against the innocent people of Puntalia! In response the Dictator of the Rogue State, Kirk Stanton accused the Axdelians of being Agents of Nuclear Communism! The idea that a country would make such ridiculous claims about its opponents is dishonorable! Only worthy of the Baby-Eating Labor Cultists of Grantierik!!!

In response to the Rodenian Outrages several of our Allies have withdrawn from this shameful treaty as well, The Noble Ruling Council of Durakia has approved the Direkleiters recognition of the true Puntalia Government, as has Alksearia’s Noble Sovereign! It is this programs hope that this pattern continues! While Meagharia was not a signatory to the treaty the Grand Marshal has drafted a resolution for the Centurions Assembly to show international solidarity against the Rodenian Magairlí!

Anyway, Thats the News for Tonight! I’m Shannon O’Ratigan, Hail to Our Great and Most Secular Republic and All Hail The General Staff!"