The Mexregiona Malarkey

THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]TUESDAY, JULY 12TH, 2016 A.D.----- ISSUE #1----- 42 PRINT PROMENADE, DROPDATDERP, LOUISIANAIA ISLAND, MEXREGIONAL ARCHIPELIGO, U.S.M.[hr]Today on the Mexregiona Malarkey: -Our New Leader; Is He a Good Man? -The Problem in Brasilistan -Foreign Aggression -Fun Facts For the Kiddos![hr]Our New Leader; Is He a Good Man? Much talk has been going around about the new head of the U.S.M., and there is good reason. After the devastating death of Mister Leader I, the founder of a more modern Mexregiona, citizens have questioned the authority of his successor.
“What does he think he is,” says Mark Bachy, a former farmer from Ferterra, “a new leader or something? I’ll tell you one thing, I thoroughly believed in Mister Leader, Violet bless his soul, and he did good for the people of this country; including me! He may have passed some weird laws in his time, and he might not have taken a shower every week, but he was good nevertheless! And now this idiot over in Dropdatderp thinks he can just magically take his place and his name? It’s just sick.” Mrs. Winded, on the other hand, thinks otherwise. “As long as he looks handsome, I’m fine with whatever he passes. Just don’t tell my husband.” She then walks away from the reporter with a dreamy look in her eyes. [hr]The Problem in Brasilistan After the horrible events that took place in Brasilistan a few months ago, the country has been nothing but a desolate island sitting in solitary confinement in the center of the Loopian Sea. The Mexregionan Radioactive Forces (MRF), however, have been tracking the danger of being in the area over time, and parts of the island are now safe if visited in moderation. “There is a major obstacle, other than the fallout, for exploring the destroyed Brasilistan,” says Senior Radioactivity Marshall Iceen Dem, “It’s the amount of insects scouring the area. Bugs of all shapes in sizes that have changed because of the fallout are all over the place, making it hard to travel safely in the area, especially if you’re scared of roaches. You should see one of the videos of the men out there- Oh, sorry, it’s just so funny to watch them jump around like mountain goats. Anyway, this will soon be a huge problem if the land is to be utilized in the future.”[hr]Foreign Aggression THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF MEXREGIONA—ANY AND ALL “FOREIGN AGGRESSION” WILL BE DEALT WITH IMMEDIATELY, BY FORCE IF NECESSARY. THAT IS ALL.[hr]Fun Facts! 1. Mexregiona used to be just one island! 2. Millions of years ago, Mexregiona was not an island but a peninsula. 3. Contrary to popular belief, the united states of our country are actually classified as parishes (but the United Parishes of Mexregiona just doesn’t sound right). 4. As of the time of this article’s publishing, Mexregiona has a population of nearly 800,000,000 (800 million) people! 5. This newspaper is approved by the Mexregioan Board of Old Geezers, a bunch of used-up people whom have nothing else to do with their lives but to make fun of young teenagers and children. [hr]Every week, this is your news, your story, your way. Now please give us money.

THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]TUESDAY, JULY 19TH, 2016 A.D.-----ISSUE #2----- 42 PRINT PROMENADE, DROPDATDERP, LOUISIANAIA ISLAND, MEXREGIONAL ARCHIPELAGO, U.S.M.[hr]Today on the Mexregiona Malarkey: -101st Post! -Increased Land Claims -Adoption of Atlantia Term in U.S.M. - Great Wall of Mexregiona -More Fun Facts!-[hr]101st Post! The one hundred-first post of the U.S.M. has been met as of the time this newspaper has been sent out to the world. This is a great achievement in the nation, as it nearly guarantees that we will continue our actions on the forums; learning and sharing for years (?) to come. Why not the 100th, you ask. Why the 101st, you ask. Because we said so.[hr] Increased Land Claims The Mexregional Committee of Regional Land Claims (MCRLC) has found that, by research and careful analysis, that there are a lot more land claims on the current regional map than usual, at least by Mexregiona standards. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however. The government says ‘the more neighbors the better’ in this situation, as the more allies or enemies we have living next to us, the more interesting things get for the citizens of the country. However, the regular pedestrian doesn’t agree.
“Sayin’ something like that really shows what the government really is like in Governmental Gully, doing whatever they do there,” complains walker-by Lera Wright, “Those darn people really are crazy in Insulmin.”[hr]Adoption of Atlantia Term in U.S.M. After many centuries, if not, millennia, Mexregiona has finally adopted the standard term for the continent the country is located on. Originally named the Continental Continent (after not knowing what else to call it) by Mexregionans, they stuck to the title until they heard the news of the actual name of the landmass; Atlantia. Although the majority of the population didn’t like the change of name, geologists around the world insisted due to the fact that the alternative name was confusing when foreign nations were studying the landmass, using Mexregionan information as a basis for the area.[hr]Great Wall of Mexregiona After hours of negotiating in the Cabin of Representatives, the government has decided to create a poll to see whether or not foreign powers want a “Great Wall of Mexregiona”. This wall would provide extra protection to the country, help the economies of Wey-Yu Industries and Sydonia, and would create a major tourist attraction for the country. The main structure would be built down the spine of the Arch Archipelago, allowing only certain ships through the area, which in turn would provide security to the Mexregional and Arch Archipelagoes. Many people on the latter islands don’t approve, however, as the building would obstruct the natural beauty of the area. Also, as of now, foreign countries do not approve either, for some reason.[hr]More Fun Facts! 1. Mister Leader II is actually not really from the U.S.M.; he’s from the unclaimed lands of Altlania. 2. Mister Leader II became a citizen of the country just 9 years ago. 3. Mister Leader I was the first dictator and president of the U.S.M., as the country didn’t have an official government at the time. Mexregiona has been on Urth even before the Urth was a thing (It’s scientifically proven!). 5. Mexregiona doesn’t officially border any country; in fact, since the regional map hasn’t yet been updated, Mexregiona isn’t even on it![hr]Every week, this is your news, your story, your way. Now please give us money.

THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]TUESDAY, JULY 26TH, 2016 A.D.-----ISSUE #3-----42 PRINT PROMENADE, DROPDATDERP, LOUISIANAIA ISLAND, MEXREGIONAL ARCHIPELAGO, U.S.M.[hr]Today on the Mexregiona Malarkey: -National Music? -Leader Announces Possible Alliance -Official Language -Lagging -Governmental Warning -Even More Facts!![hr]National Music? The government of the U.S.M. has announced that certain departments of the Presidential Cupboard are looking forward to instating national musical genres. The officials have recommended the forms of entertainment relate to the policy and spirit of the United States, leading many artists to begin to create patriotic songs just to uphold the “Crown of Music”, which will be brought upon the composer’s head by the Leader of the United States of Mexregiona himself. Few know, however, if these music genres will be enforced or just recommended.[hr]Leader Announces Possible Alliance Mister Leader II himself spoke out yesterday that he was to attempt to form an alliance between foreign nations in the East Pacific. Little else is known about his plans for the nation’s foreign policy, but many have assumed that the alliance would take place between countries that are close to the U.S.M. (Marpa, 1InfiniteLoop, Prussia), which would help the nation defend itself against foreign aggression, but many others think that the group would be made out of countries with massive regional influence (such as Vekaiyu, 1InfiniteLoop, Bachtendekuppen, and Pax - Draconica).[hr]Official Language The people of the U.S.M. have always been extremely confused in what language they should speak in the nation. Due to the number of foreign peoples that travel to the country every year, it was always a hassle for tour guides to try to understand people as there are so many languages in the East Pacific. And so, after many days of serious debate, the nation has finally decided on a de jure language; Codexian Latin. Since the speak of the country is mostly Codexian (English)-based, yet there is a heavy Latin counterpart, the government couldn’t just decide on one, so they chose them both.[hr]Lagging There isn’t that much activity on the forums at the moment.[hr]Governmental Warning WE, THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF MEXREGIONA, HAVE DECIDED TO DECLARE A TIME OF PEACE. AFTER YEARS OF CONSTANT INTERNAL WARS AND TURMOIL, THE NATION HAS FINALLY ACHIEVED ALMOST PERFECT SAFETY. MAY THE UNITED STATES LIVE ON FOREVER!! THAT IS ALL.[hr]Even More Facts!! 1. Mexregiona is the best. Enough said. 2. Print Promenade (the street that the Mexregiona Malarkey is printed on) is not actually a promenade, it’s just a dirty road. 3. Mexregiona is mostly subtropical due to the ocean currents surrounding the country. 4. Without the currents, the southern part the country would be subarctic while the northern part would be covered in permafrost. 5. These news article are posted weekly, if you didn’t notice.[hr][font=Monaco]Every week, this is your news, your story, your way. Now please give us money.

THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]TUESDAY, AUGUST 3RD, 2016 A.D.-----ISSUE #4-----42 PRINT PROMENADE, DROPDATDERP, LOUISIANAIA ISLAND, MEXREGIONAL ARCHIPELAGO, U.S.M.[hr]Today on the Mexregiona Malarkey: -251st Post! -Opposite of Lagging -80s Music -Even More Facts!!-----((As you can see, it’s been a slow news week in Mexregiona.))[hr]251st Post! “United States of Mexregiona” (A.K.A. Mexregiona or Mex) has met the point where the user has posted 251 times. This is quite an achievement, as 250 posts is nothing compared to 251 of 'em. So, yeah.[hr]Opposite of Lagging Unlike the last time this news article was published, there is now a lot of activity on the forums. Many researchers at the Forum Activity Labs at Louisianaia (FALL) see this as an event related to the spontaneous reappearance of Loh to the East Pacific Forums. Others believe it’s just another one of those random points where a lot of people get on at the same time. Still, others think that this is an indication of the soon-to-be extremely popular Nobody really knows if this is true or not, though. [hr]80s Music It has just been announced in Dropdatderp that the unofficial official music of the nation will be just about all the songs from the 80s (as long as they’re not the crappy ones, Mister Leader II says). It is not yet known if they will add more music to the list or keep changing it with time. More information will be given out once we know more about it.[hr]Even More Facts!! 1. Both Mister Leader I and II have been found to be very distantly related, somehow. 2. The country has recently been grouped into 4 regions: Western Aequatorial Islands, Western Mexregiona, Century Islands, and Eastern Mexregiona. 3. The national dish is crawfish (A.K.A. crayfish, crawdad, freshwater lobsters, and mudbugs). 4. This news article was actually secretly written in the future, but the authors made it seem like it was recent. 5. Beware of 2/17/17.[hr]Every week, this is your news, your story, your way. Now please give us money.

THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4TH, 2016 A.D.-----ISSUE #5-----42 PRINT PROMENADE, DROPDATDERP, LOUISIANAIA ISLAND, MEXREGIONAL ARCHIPELAGO, U.S.M.[hr]Editors are extremely sorry for the delay in the Mexregiona Malarkey’s publishing. From now until it changes, this news article will be published on Wednesdays instead of Tuesdays.[hr]Today on the Mexegiona Malarkey: Closing In On 1 Billion -Increased Relations -Return of Loh -Construction of the “GWoM” -A Load More Fun Facts![hr]Closing In On 1 Billion A new national census has discovered that, in the world of NationStates, that is, Mexregiona is nearly to a population of 1 billion (1,000,000,000!) Many are questioning this rise in population while others are just “going with the flow”. The former group wants to see something done. The latter just wants to wave to the beat of the new national music (discussed in earlier newsletters). We will only know what exactly will happen once the time comes. In fact, if and when this event takes place, the editors of the Mexregiona Malarkey will be creating a premium report. Stay tuned for more![hr]Increased Relations As of the time that this newsletter is published, Mexregiona is an unofficial member of TEP Magisterium. The government of the nation believes that this new membership will lead Mexregiona to a new age of prosperity. Only time will tell if this is true or not.[hr]Return of Loh Ever since the return of Loh to the East Pacific Forums, there has been somewhat of a spike in activity, just as before. The One True Cat God’s arrival has prompted the Mexregionan government to think of the general “psychology” of the return of long-term members. They have concluded that the rising of old members from the grasp of inactivity will greatly help the forums, as each time they slowly bring out the activity in other members. In short, previously inactive members and citizens turned active are good for the East Pacific.[hr]Construction of the “GWoM” After many, many shipments of of stone and brick from Sydonia, Prussia, and Dovahofkiin, Mexregiona has finally gathered all the equipment for the Great Wall of Mexregiona (nicknamed GWoM). GWoM is to be built from the bottom of the spine of the Arch Archipelago to the top of the Island of Louisianaia. This structure will provide extra protection to the nation while also (hopefully) gathering more tourists to the area. Actually, the building will create jobs, too. More information will be given as the story progresses.[hr]A Load More Fun Facts! 1. Mexregiona constantly changes its motto, as it can never really get everybody happy with it at the same time. 2. Dropdatderp used to be a trading post for the Altalandians. 3. The trading post, then called Drohhuahderh, was destroyed to make way for the modern city. 4. In fact, Drohhuahderh=Dropdatderp. 5. This newsletter, although highly built into the government, is not supported by them in any monetary sense.[hr]Every week, this is your news, your story, your way. Now please give us money.

OFFICIAL NOTICE FROM THE EDITORS OF THE MEXREGIONA MALARKEY[hr]Due to time constraints and budget cuts in the company, there will not be an official “1 Billion People” Newsletter. Sorry for the inconvenience. However, although the special newsletter did not and will not come out, the next issue of the Mexregiona Malarkey should be released on time.[hr]Thank you.

“Screw it,” Mister Leader said, waving his arms toward the official editors and creativity team of the Mexregiona Malarkey, “We’re spending too much money keeping this thing standing. I say you guys just report things when they happen, rather than scar your brains trying to find out which pair of pants Keen Cardashin wore last week.”
You can tell what happened after that.