The Tasman Daily Telegram
Vice President’s Family Dead
April 22, 2007
Government Press Release
Flames broke out early this morning at the home in which the family of Vice President Chantal Scythes’ family has been residing for over six months. There were no survivors. Dead are the Vice President’s husband of eight years, David, her six-year old daughter, Michaela, her three-year old son, Joshua, and four Secret Service agents whose names will not be released at this time. The Vice President has been living apart from her family for over six months as a result of death threats against both she and her family. Foul play has not been ruled out.
Mappins Lauded
April 22, 2007
Brenda Corrigan
President Peter Mappins’ proposed legislation, now before Parliament, to move toward tighter environmental controls has been lauded by all three parties and environmentalists. His proposal includes strict emission regulations on all industries and very tight controls on waste management which would hold corporations responsible for disposal of toxic waste and clean-up costs. He has also proposed a reduction in development of current designated greenbelt areas within urban areas along with a halt on encroachment and/or prospecting of the rain forests and river systems. Implementation would occur over a three-year period.
Critics of this proposal have indicated that such a move will force major industries to close, moving out of Kangarawa entirely into less regulated countries. Noted economist, Peter Wegman, Professor at the University of Tasman has stated, “While it is certainly time to see concern for the environment a focus of this government, the effect of such a short implementation time shouldn’t be ignored. The resulting job loss could very well be devastating to the economy.”
Paul Hasselhoff, CEO of Davidson Chemicals, a subsidiary of BioChem, one of the country’s largest pharmaceutical companies, has stated, “The proposed emission regulations are verging on draconian. To attribute pollution solely to the industries of Kangarawa is completely absurd. Until we can work as a region to enforce such regulations, an unfair burden is being placed on our corporation, making it virtually impossible for us to compete in the regional market.”
(cont. on pg. 2)
Communication Blackout
April 22, 2007
Paul Sutherland
Sources in the Ministry of Defence have indicated a complete breakdown of communications between the Grand Duchy of Reziel and the Ministry. Specialists have tried to trace what is currently being referred to as a “systems failure” but with no success. Both countries are engaged in mock “War Games” in the Grand Duchy in order to decide upon the feasibility of building joint military installations in both countries.
(cont. on pg. 6)
Source of Salmonella Outbreak Determined
March 24, 2007
Steve Mills
The Ministry of Health in Lanarcus has issued a warning today indicating that the recent outbreak of salmonella poisoning was traced back to contaminated salad dressing. Mercy Foods has notified all stores to pull all bottles of Mercy brand “Finely Seasoned Mayonnaise”, and has issued a recall for all bottles dated after February 25, 2007.