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MAN ARRESTED FOR POURING TEA ON DISGRACED EX-MLA.
A man has been arrested for tossing a cup of tea in the direction of disgraced politician Wang Tángshì.
Mr Wang, who recently served as an MLA in New Shenyang, was accosted by an angry constituent who called him an out of touch pimp and tossed a cup of tea in his direction. Mr Wang shielded his face with his arms and avoided being scalded.
The individual was arrested by police shortly afterward. He was identified as 41 year old Lien Kǎsēn
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NO APRIL FOOLS IN BAI LUNG: 20 ARRESTED FOR CELEBRATING EASTER IN CUI.
20 people were arrested in the city of Cui for celebrating the western holiday of Easter.
The group turned up in the city and provoked the police by greeting them with ‘Happy Easter’, effectively flouting by-laws that bar anyone from celebrating western holidays in the city.
Police in the city warned that the by-laws are not a joke and they will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
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ELDERLY MAN ARRESTED FOR ASSAULTING TAXI DRIVER.
An elderly man has been arrested on suspicion of assaulting a taxi driver who nearly ran him over.
Ma Xièěr, 70, was crossing traffic at Shīzi Yán Street in Pingjing when taxi driver Li Tuōdé almost ran him over but managed to brake within inches. It was there when Ma attacked Li with his walking stick, causing injuries to his face.
Ma was arrested at his home 24 hours after the incident.
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‘JUSTICE FOR MY CABBIE FRIEND!’ PENSIONER ASSAULTED IN CUSTODY.
A pensioner has been sent to Pingjing Central Hospital after fellow detainees assaulted him for attacking their ‘cabbie friend’.
Ma Xièěr, 70, received blows to the face by two detainees who claim to be friends of taxi driver Li Tuōdé, whom Ma assaulted 72 hours before. The two attackers displayed no remorse for their actions, calling their assault on Ma as justice for their ‘cabbie friend’
In related news, Li was discharged from the Jiulong River Hospital.
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10 BBQ JOINTS FINED BL$1 MILLION FOR FALSE ADVERTSIDING.
10 barbecue restaurants in the country have been fined a total of BL$1 million for misleading members of the public.
The fines were issued by the Food Safety Standards who claim that the owners have cheated customers by selling their produce at a weight 20% lighter than what is advertised on their premise.
The disgraced 10 must pay the full amount within 4 weeks or risk a lengthy jail sentence.
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SENIOR MOCKED FOR CLAIMING STATELESSNESS IS NOT A THING.
Conservative MLA Ai Sha has been mocked by the left for claiming the idea that nations can’t be in a position of statelessness.
The controversial politician made the comments shortly after the World Assembly Resolution “End Statelessness” was defeated 10,719 votes to 3,469.
The small number of left wing activists have pointed out Bai Lung went through a brief period of statelessness during the Dannistrian-Bai Lung war of 2007. Mr Ai has yet to respond to the counterclaims.
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200 CHARGED IN ANTI-FLIPFLOP LAWS.
200 drivers nationwide have been issued fines for wearing flipflops as part of a crackdown on footwear deemed unsuitable for driving.
Police officers and traffic wardens are given powers to fine drivers caught wearing the footwear as well as being bare footed.
The crackdown comes after a disproportionite number of traffic offenders wore flipflops.
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RUGBY SEVENS TOURNAMENT END IN RIOTING.
At least 100 fans from Bai Lung’s biggest rugby sevens teams have ended in a violent clash after Port To Terriers won against Port Sung Serpents 21-14.
As with the football counterpart, the battle of of the Ports rugby derby was a fiesty affair with jeering from opposition fans to whoever possessed the ball.
It was Port To Terriers forward Wu Péngtíng who broke the 14-14 deadlock at the 79th minute of the Rugby Sevens National cup with an audacious try. Wu then scored 2 points for a post-try conversion. The last minute try prompted an angry reaction from Serpent fans who proceeded to tear up seats and attacked Terrier fans outside of the stadium.
Due to the violent post-match clash, Port To Terriers celebrated their win inside the Shang Shui Stadium in Pingjing.
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CONSERVATIVES REMAIN TOP CHOICE AMONGST VOTERS.
Conservative Party will under no threat from opposition parties as they remain the overwhelming favourites to retain every seat in the Lower House.
10 newspapers conducted nationwide polls with results ranging from 95% to 99% going to the Conservatives.
President Gong Chūrù has also enjoyed high approval ratings with a 95% approval rating.
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CON ARTIST GETS 10 YEARS IN PRISON FOR THEFT AND ASSAULT.
A serial thief has been found guilty on 20 counts of theft and two counts of assault.
Ming Qièsī was found guilty of stealing from 20 small business shops through a complex confidence trick by paying an item using a BL$100 note, requesting change from the staff, distracting them by haggling over the price whilst nabbing a BL$50 change and concealing it quickly. He then asked for a refund and took back the original BL$100 note used for payment.
Ming used this tactic against 19 inexperienced staff but was finally caught at the 20th attempt when Li Mù, an experienced staff, prevented Ming from carrying out his trick. CCTV footage shows Ming in a state of panic and punched Li in the face to free himself from the scene. The High Court also showed CCTV footage of his arrest by officer Meng Fānyì who was also assault by Ming.
Chief Justice Hong Byu-Chen presided over the case, who described it one of the worst cases of petty theft in his career. Mr Ming will not receive parole as he continue to be disruptive by denying his actions.
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THE HEADLINES F0R T0DAY
CINEMA OFFER SWITCHES TO ONLINE ONLY FOLLOWING SCUFFLE .
The National Theatre Association of Bai Lung has announced that their 50% price cut on all regular movie tickets will be redeemed online only after movie goers started a brawl in participating cinema chains.
Police were called into commercial theatres in Pingjing, Port To and New Tianjin after reports of movie goers were shoving each other in the queues for fear of losing out to the offer.
The offer, which lasts from 12th April to 15th April, can be redeemed on NTABL.BL.
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IFFAN OMARSK REACTION TO SONS DEATH BECOMES VIRAL.
Footage of Kashgar leader Iffan Omarsk reacting to the death of his two sons has become viral.
The footage shows the Kashgar strongman watching news coverage of a bombed Kashgar enclave in Iashibari which killed Turgu and Eesbranee Omarsk, his two oldest sons. Instead of crying, he started a prayer alongside his pray, thanking Bischkeck for their son’s sacrifice to the Kashgar cause.
The video has since been watched 900 million times. Many netizens mocked Omarsk for his uncaring attitude towards his sons.
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IFFAN OMARSK ISSUES DECREE CALLING FOR DEATH OF GONG’S RELATIVES.
Kashgar leader Iffan Omarsk has issued a decree that calls for the killings of President Gong Chūrù’s relatives in retaliation to a drone strike in Iashbari which killed his two sons.
The Bai Lungese army were deployed to the scene and took over 100 bodies, all of whom are Kashgars. At around 1500 yesterday, they confirmed that two of the 100 bodies were Turgu and Eesbranee Omarsk.
Omarsk, who is known to have 20 children, said that Gong’s relatives must be eliminated for their ‘barbaric murder of my children’.
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OMARSK DENIES RELATIONSHIPS WITH MISTRESSES.
Kashgar leader Iffan Omarsk has denied that he is in a relationship with several women despite being a vocal supporter of traditional marriage…
The allegations come after photos of someone who resembles the strongman kissing two women and holding their hands, spraking the possibility that he is cheating on his wife of 42 years Lena. The photos drew condemnation from supporters of Omarsk and demanded that he hold the 2024 election.
The controversy resembles that of predecessor Tentsin Farabhazi who stood down in 2010 after seeing a young mistress. Omarsk has denied cheating on Lena and re-iterated his support for traditional marriage and his opposition to gay marriage, no-fault divorce, aboritions, and having children outside of wedlock.
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FARABHAZI TO OMARSK: RESIGN WITH DIGNITY.
Former Kashgar leader Tentsin Farabhazi has urged incumbent Iffan Omarsk to step down from his position with dignity if his affair with another woman is true.
The 79 year old made his first public appearance in over 10 years and met supporters in Yerebari. Mr Farabhazi continues to be a divisive figure after his own affair with a woman resulting in his own resignation.
Whilst it is not proven, Farabhazi has urged his successor to resign if he is caught cheating on his wife of 42 years. Mr Omarsk has yet to respond to his predecessor’s resignation calls.
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KASHGAR INSURGENTS TO BLAME FOR BOAT CAPSIZING.
Kashgar militants are to blame for a boat that got capsized at beach in Dong Men.
The boat, owned by local businessman Wei Pǔgé, was damaged, vandalised and turned 180. The damaged boat was found in its state at 0600 yesterday.
The damage was confirmed when Bischkeck State released a video taunting the businessman of his boat’s predicament.
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DRUNK MAN ARRESTED IN PIKE’S CASTLE.
A man has been arrested on suspicion of smashing a glass door at the Pikes Castle Shopping Mall in Pyongjing as well as assaulting 2 security guards and 2 police officers.
At around 1400 yesterday afternoon, a man in a mauve coloured shirt used a metal sign pole to smash the 10ft glass door and entered the already beleagered shopping mall.
Security and police officer restrained him but he resisted arrested and spat in their direction. Claiming to be a citizen of the ‘East Pacific’, the suspect did not carry any identification documents on him.
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THE HEADLINES F0R T0DAY
UNMANNED AERIAL VEHICLE SHOT DOWN IN MAINLAND CITY.
A drone has been shot down by Kashgar insurgents in the city of Sān jJàntào.
The Fènghuáng drone was intercepted and shot down by the insurgent group Bischkeck State at 0200 this morning The group then confirmed the story online. The drone is the nation’s most expensive of its kind with one unit costing BL$10 million to build.
The city, also known as Troikabari, is 33% ethnically Kashgar.
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GONG DEFENDS USAGE OF DRONES DURING NIGHT.
President Gong Chūrù has defended the usage of unmanned aerial vehicles in the mainland during the middle of the night, arguing that most Kashgar insurgent activities occur during this time.
President Gong’s comments come after a day after the Fènghuáng drone was shot down in Sān jJàntào/Troikabari in the early hours of 18th April. Many residents were disturbed by the noise and the council received over 20,000 complaints.
When asked if he will change his strategy, Gong replied: “No. The insurgents will compromise our national security by attacking the people at night time. It is imperative that our counter terrorism strategies must attack [the insurgent]s at the right time”.
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POLICE SEIZE 100 KG OF CRACK FOUND IN SHARK FINS.
Police have intercepted a fishing boat that was carrying 100 kg of crack cocaine sandwiches between frozen shark fins.
The ship was stopped by maritime police following a tip off at the early hours of Friday. In addtion to the addictive drug, 3 Type-56 rifles were found onboard.
Police confirmed that a 40 year man has been arrested.
